


Chasing the Daylight

by natsora



Series: Trials of Ryder [3]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Emotional Abuse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Family Relationship - Freeform, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Medical Procedures, emotional abuse of young kids, emotional angst, parent child relationship, young ryders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-04 00:28:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14580963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsora/pseuds/natsora
Summary: Sara was the apple of her father's eye till one day she is not. She doesn't understand why. This story follows the Ryder family from before the twins were born to the point Sara decides to break free and finds a path for herself.





	1. Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Art by the awesome [@Naeviss](http://naeviss.tumblr.com). Thank you for being such an wonderful partner!
> 
> Story beta-ed by [@LittlebutFiery](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlebutFiery/pseuds/LittlebutFiery) and [@LauraEMoriarty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauraemoriarty). Thank you for taking the time to be a beta for this fic. 
> 
> This story is written as part of Mass Effect Big Bang 2018. This is the same Sara Ryder as the one in my long fic. You can find more of her story in the [Trials of Ryder](https://archiveofourown.org/series/792867) series

Ellen rubbed her belly and smiled. The twins were terribly active this morning. She was in the early stages of her second trimester and she already felt like a penguin waddling everywhere she went. Based on the gynaecologist’s count she had another 24 weeks of this to look forward to.

“Ow,” she yelped as something connected with her ribs. “Guys, take it easy in there.”

There was another kick. “Sorry, it's just a figure of speech,” Ellen winced.

“Scott.” She called, there was a small wriggle of motion on the opposite side of the sore spot.

“Sara.” She called and there was a gentle fluttering over the sore spot. “So it’s you, Sara.”

Ellen laughed.

The first trimester was rough but things were looking up now that she could keep her meals down. This was her first week back at the labs after two weeks of doctor mandated bed rest. Carrying twins was not entirely uncommon but it was still a tough burden on the mother’s body.

The lab she was working in was a spark-proof room. Purified eezo was terribly volatile and flammable. It explodes if they come into contact with any spark. Ellen knew the risks well since she was the one who created the safety procedures. She stared at the holo-screen, her hands flicked the images left and right as she compared her samples of purified eezo with an eezo node of organic origins. Her hand scribbled furiously as she took quick notes on a paper pad on her right.

She glanced at her omni-tool, expecting her lab assistants to be back from their lunch break soon. The constant chatter of her assistants preceded them as they entered. Ellen continued working, intending to have her lunch now that they’re back. She just had to finish up with this particular sample.

“No!”

The shout of warning rang out, as the door behind her hissed open. Ellen didn’t have any time to react. All she did was lift her head in surprise. The last thought was what the hell before she heard the telltale pop of static discharging. The purified eezo in the petri dish in front of her took flame. White flames licked across the dish and exploded. Glass shards scattered. Ellen twisted and curled over her belly protectively.

An alarm rang loudly overhead. White purified eezo dust coated the air. Ellen coughed, the dust was choking her lungs as she fought for breath. She stood on shaky legs as her assistants rushed to help her.

* * *

“Ellen?” Alec called as soon as he got home.

He was on the way back to the Citadel after a mission on Earth when he got the news. By then, he was already en route with no way to make the commercial shuttle go any faster. Alec had spent two days mired in commercial spaceflight delays before he used his N7 status to hitch a ride to the Citadel on one of the Alliance frigates.

Outwardly during the ten-hour flight between Luna station and the Citadel, Alec Ryder was the face of calm but inside he was sick with worry. Ellen’s pregnancy was anything but smooth. Her morning sickness was horrible, she could barely keep any food down. She lost so much weight, making Alec wonder if it was even safe for her to carry the babies to term. Thankfully, things had turned around. Ellen was feeling better the past couple of weeks, enough so he accepted the mission and left the Citadel.

Now, this.

An explosion in her lab thanks to a negligent lab assistant. If only, he could get his hands on that person. How dare they endanger Ellen’s safety? And the twins, were they safe?

Alec regretted taking on the mission. He should have stayed behind. He should have extended his leave and made Ellen take more time resting at home. Alec Ryder was hardly a religious man, he prided himself in logical and tactical thinking, but he couldn’t help but pray for his family’s safety.

Alec entered their bedroom, the scent of medi-gel strong. His heart thudded. Was Ellen badly hurt? And, if so, how badly?

“Ellen?” he called gently, just in case she was sleeping.

The bed wasn’t made but it was empty. “Ellen?” he called louder, his worry rapidly turning into alarm.

Did she fall in the bathroom? He approached the en-suite bathroom with haste, his omni-tool ready to hack into the bathroom.

“I’m here,” a voice called from inside.

Alec let the breath he was holding go. There was a flush of the toilet and the door slid open. “Ellen,” he cried, taking in her cheeks and nose all slathered with medi-gel.

His hands cupped her face gingerly as he examined her. “These don’t look like they are healing properly. Did they give you the higher grade medi-gel? And painkillers, did they give you those?” he asked as he frowned. “I should call our doctor.”

“Silly man,” she laughed, pulling his hands down, taking them in her own. “These will heal. The medi-gel is taking care of things and it doesn’t hurt much anymore.”

She walked over and pressed her back against his chest. Alec wrapped his arms around her. A new hug they learned after her belly kept getting in the way of a proper hug. He leaned his head over her neck and he stroked her belly with his hand. “Are you really all right? Are the twins all right?”

“I’m fine,” Ellen said before hesitating.

“What? Is there something wrong with the twins? Are they ok?” he asked anxiously. “I am going to kill your lab assistant!”

Ellen shook her head, her hair tickling his face. “I’m afraid my eyebrows might never grow back,” she replied, taking in the look on his face. She laughed. “I thought I might get you with that.”

He smiled.

“Scott and Sara are fine,” she said.

Alec cocked his head and raised an eyebrow. “Scott and Sara?” he asked. “You’ve named them?”

Ellen nodded. “You like the names?” she whispered as if afraid he might not like it.

How could he not love the names Ellen had picked? “They’re perfect,” he whispered as he pulled her back into his arms. “But you’ve got to get checked by the gynaecologist tomorrow.”

“But the doctors at Huerta have already cleared me,” she protested, turning around to face him.

“For me?” he asked, with his best impression of puppy dog eyes.

Ellen laughed, her laughter the gentle tinkling of bells. It was so light and bright. No matter what mood Alec was in, it never failed to make him feel better. “Fine,” she relented, rolling her eyes as his overreaction.

“And I’ve put in a transfer order,” Alec said as he pulled his written orders from his pocket. “They are transferring me to be a security lead for the human ambassador.”

Ellen cupped his face, fingers gently dragging over his three-day-old stubble. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

He nodded, placing a hand gently on her belly, feeling the heat she was giving off. “Yes, for me, for you and for them,” he said.

* * *

“Alec!” Ellen shouted, “Can you get me more wet wipes?”

Scott was screaming his head off, his nether regions exposed to the world because his mother had forgotten to get more wet wipes for the infant room. “Alec!” she shouted.

Her husband walked in slowly, afraid to jostle something he was cradling. In his left arm, Sara was dozing, his right held the fresh pack of wet wipes. Ellen grabbed the pack from him. Sara stirred when she heard her brother crying. “Shhh, baby girl,” he cooed as he gently rocked her, retreating from the room.

Ellen smiled. Seeing how much Alec bonded with the twins made her so happy. He had been so worried when they were due to arrive. All flustered and busy with reading all manner of parenting books he could get his hands on.

“One must get as much intel from the enemy before engaging,” he told her.

“So your children are the enemy?” Ellen asked with her eyebrow raised.

“Only in the manner that babies seem to suck the life out of their parents,” Alec replied with a cheeky smile.

“No plan survives contact with the enemy,” she reminded him. “Enemies in this case.”

Alec was convinced he would be of no help whatsoever. In the end, he turned out to be a wizard in getting Sara to sleep, allowing her to handle Scott in peace.

* * *

Alec yawned as he heard the tiny mewing sounds from the twins’ room through the baby-comm. He trudged into the room, his mouth wide open in a yawn. He paused at the threshold, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Peeking over at one crib, he found Scott sleeping soundly. Alec smoothed Scott’s wispy hair from his face and tucked his tiny fists back into his swaddle. The mewing sounds grew more insistent as Alec fussed over Scott, breaking into louder whimpers and gaining in volume. Alec’s sleepiness quickly fled. His senses were on high alert. He looked over at the second crib to find Sara’s face scrunched up, ready to let loose her piercing cry. On a whim, Alec placed a hand on her tummy, it helped to calm her down. Alec did the usual checks, diapers clean, feeding time was still an hour away. Sara kicked her tiny legs and wriggled in her crib, clearly unhappy about something.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?” he whispered as he picked her up.

Sara made cooing noises of contentment as soon as she was in his arms. Alec frowned. “I need to sleep too, you know?” he whispered. “See your brother is sleeping. Learn from your big brother’s example?”

Sara’s eyes were getting more alert by the second. Her large brown eyes stared at his father, seemingly hanging onto his every word. “Sara?” he said.

Sara gurgled, happy. He glanced over and saw his son stirring. “Oh no, you don’t,” he said as he whisked the wide-awake Sara out of the twins’ room into the living room.

He purchased this apartment in the months leading up to the twins’ arrival. “Room for the family to grow into,” he said when Ellen baulked at the price.

He had already earmarked two rooms for when the twins were older. The room that’s being used as the babies’ room would eventually be his weapons bunker while the other would be converted into a home lab to allow Ellen to continue her research at home while the twins were still too young for school. Alec knew his paternity leave would end eventually so he had begun the process to get help for the twins while he was away at work.

“Now, if only you will fall asleep so that your Pa can get some sleep, how about that baby girl?” he asked Sara who was making grabbing gestures at his finger. Her left hand clung to his pinkie and squeezed. “You got a strong grip there, Sara,” he remarked. “Are you a lefty, huh?”

Sara cooed back at him.

The next morning, Ellen found father and daughter on the sofa asleep. She smiled at the sight. She frowned and wondered why didn’t she wake up when Sara fussed. “I must be too tired,” she muttered under her breath and left to check on Scott.

* * *

Ellen cleared her stuffy nose with a piece of tissue. “Argh,” she groaned, as she realised there was blood on the tissue again. “I hate being sick.”

She tapped on her omni-tool to check on the twins. They were playing happily in their playpen together. Their part-time helper was in that day to help her. Ellen didn’t want to risk the twins getting sick. It was bad enough that she was sick, it would be hell if either or both of the twins caught her bug. Her omni-tool beeped, reminding her it was time to take her medication. Ellen stood to head to the kitchen but the world spun as soon as she stood. She kept a white-knuckled grip on her desk as she squeezed her eyes shut. “Damn this flu,” she cursed. “I should have taken the flu shot.”

The dizziness went away as quickly as it came. After popping her flu meds, Ellen began to feel better. “Maybe I really should go see the doctor.”

Two weeks later, she was clearing her nose for the umpteenth time that day. “Is your flu still not going away?” Alec asked with a frown. “It’s been weeks.”

“Two, just two,” she corrected, as she blew her nose again. “Shit!”

Blood poured from her nose, down her shirt like she just got punched. The tissue was rapidly soaked through. Alec handed her a towel which she quickly pressed to her nose as she made her way awkwardly to the bathroom.

“Argh,” Ellen groaned in frustration standing over the sink as blood dribbling down. “This has got to be the third time this has occurred.”

“Are you sure you don’t need to see the doctor?” Alec asked.

Ellen shook her head carefully so that blood didn’t go everywhere. “I’m fine, I guess I blew my nose too hard and ruptured a blood vessel. I’ll be careful.”

Alec frowned, but left her to clean up while he checked on the twins. The bleeding stopped quickly. She cleaned up and changed her clothes, opting to recycle her ruined ones. Ellen walked to the twins’ room to find Alec watching them, totally relaxed. Scott and Sara were cackling at each other through the bars of their cribs, speaking in their strange twin speak, unaware that their parents were watching. Ellen wrapped her arms around her husband’s rock hard abs as she leaned her head against his arm. “Can you believe they are one now?” she asked.

Alec laughed. “I never thought we would make it through that first month. I barely remember any of it,” he admitted.

The twins noticed their parents watching them and the cackling got intense. Sara got up to her feet and started clapping her hand against her crib. “Pa, pa, pa!” she yelled.

Scott joined his younger sister on his less steady stubby feet. His arms waving about for attention. “Ma! Ma!” he screamed.

“Your daughter is calling for you,” Ellen said, making no move to unwrap herself from his back.

“Your son’s demanding for you too,” Alec pointed out.

The adults didn’t move for a beat while the twins got more agitated with their hands and voices. With a synchronised sigh, Ellen unwrapped herself from Alec and picked Scott up while he picked Sara up.

* * *

“Mama!” Scott yelled, running towards Ellen. “Sara! Mama is here!”

Sara looked up from her toys and ran towards her, quickly overtaking her brother. She jumped and launched herself towards Ellen, fully trusting her to catch her. Ellen braced herself and caught the five-year-old deftly in her hands. “Wow, Sara, you jumped so high!” she said with mock marvel.

Her daughter giggled, brown hair whirling around as Ellen put her down and picked Scott up. “Mama, you’re funny,” Sara concluded.

“What’s for dinner, Mama?” Scott asked.

Ellen took Sara’s smaller hand into her own. “Guess?”

“Pasta?” Scott guessed.

“That’s what you always guess!” Sara complained. “Grilled cheese toasties?”

Ellen shook her head. “Chicken,” she said.

Sara’s face brightened at that point. Ellen smiled at her daughter’s grin. “Pa’s coming home today!” she cheered.

Scott began to whoop in joy too. Ellen let him down. It was the go-to dish whenever Alec was due home. She had checked her omni-tool and by his last check in, he was due to be home that day. “Who’s excited to see Papa?” she asked.

Scott and Sara cheered, “Me, me!” The three of them walked hand in hand home.

The kids ran inside as soon as the door slid open. They screamed and shouted for Alec but he wasn’t home quite yet. “Your father isn’t due home for at least another hour,” she shouted after them. “Go put your stuff in your rooms and wash your hands. We can start with some snacks.”

“Yes Ma,” they said in unison.

Ellen shook her head. The twins were a handful but at the same time, they were a joy to watch grow and become their own little people. Sara was more adventurous and daring. Scott usually took his cue from his sister. Where Sara rushed in, Scott was a lot more careful and observant. The twins complemented each other well. Ellen could see sparks of both her and Alec’s personalities in them. She could see Alec’s tenacity in Sara while Scott had her analytical side.

At five, the twins started attending the Alliance preschool for all children of the enlisted. They were more than capable of sending the twins to a private school but they decided to keep them within the Alliance’s system since it provided a well-rounded education and a head start in physical education.

Ellen started to lay out the plates and the utensils. A wave of dizziness hit her. She grimaced and held still to ride it out. “Damn, these are getting more and more frequent,” she groused.

“Ma, Sara didn’t wash her hands!” Scott called from the bathroom.

Ellen sighed as she squeezed her eyes shut. The room spun alarmingly around her. “Show your baby sister how to do it,” she replied as evenly as she could manage.

“Damn it,” Ellen cursed as she reached out to find something solid to hold onto.

The sound of the twins arguing echoed disconcertingly in her ears. Even with her eyes closed, Ellen could feel the room spinning. She remembered the kitchen island was vaguely ahead of her. With her hand held out groping for it, she started walking forward. That was a mistake, Ellen realised the moment she moved. The spinning got worse and she lost her balance. She was falling. She could feel it. White hot pain flashed across her head and she knew nothing more.


	2. Twin Rays

“Mama?” Sara called out.

Her shirt was completely wet after having an impromptu water fight in the bathroom. Her small bare feet padded out into the corridor. “Mama?” she called again.

Sara swore she heard a loud thud. “See, you were imagining it,” Scott shouted from the bathroom. “Come back here and clean up the mess you made.”

Sara frowned then shrugged. “I did not make this mess,” she shouted as she turned back to the bathroom. “You’re a tattletale!”

Between the two of them, they managed to clean up the water spilt all over the floor as best as they could. The damp toilet paper were all thrown into the toilet bowl. “It won’t go away,” Sara complained, flushing the toilet for the third time.

“That’s cause you can’t get the cover closed,” Scott pointed out.

“This is stupid,” she declared. “I’m hungry. I’m going to ask Mama for a snack.”

“I want a snack too!” Scott said trailing after Sara, leaving the toilet bowl piled high with damp toilet paper.

“Mama!” Sara called as she walked down the corridor leading towards the kitchen.

Sara cocked her head. The kitchen was empty. Mama wasn’t anywhere. “Where’s she?”

Scott shrugged. “Is she in her room?” he suggested.

Sara turned back, walked past the bathroom towards her parents’ room. She was a big girl now, she thought with a smirk. She didn’t need to stand on her tippy toes to reach the holo-lock. A light touch was all that was required to palm the door. It slid open to reveal an empty room. “Is she in the lab?” Sara asked, poking her head out of the room.

The lab was a room the twins were never allowed in. It was the same for their father’s workroom but the fruit was always sweeter if it wasn't forbidden. Sara drifted over to the door. “Do you think Mama is inside?” she asked hopefully.

“I don’t know,” her brother replied anxiously. “Where is she? I want Mama…”

Sara huffed impatiently, quickly tiring of this weird hide and seek Mama was playing. “I want my snack,” she declared.

“Me too,” Scott replied, his voice small, no longer jovial.

She glanced at Scott. He was chewing his lip, his mouth pulled downward. Sara recognised the signs. On a whim, she smacked him on his arm. “Stop that.”

“What?” he shot back irritably, his hand clasped over his arm. “I wasn’t doing anything!”

She grinned back at him despite the butterflies beating their wings inside her belly. “Come on,” Sara said with false cheer. “She must be in the lab. Why don’t you check? I’ll go check the living room.”

Scott nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Sara put on a brave face and left Scott to try his luck with the door. It was usually locked, but hopefully they’d get lucky.

Sara’s bare feet took her to the main door where they kept their shoes. One glance at the shoe rack, she knew her mother was still at home. “Mama never goes out and leave us alone,” she muttered under her breath.

Fear and anxiety started bubbling up. Her chin started to quiver. “Sara,” Scott called, his voice turning into a high whine. “You found her?”

“I’m still looking,” Sara shouted back, mastering her tears.

Taking a deep breath, she turned towards the kitchen. Sara froze. There was a dark coloured puddle on the floor and an odd metallic smell in the air. She edged towards the puddle. The smell was getting stronger the closer she stepped towards it.

Her feet stopped at the edge of the puddle. It was red. Was it blood? Sara’s mouth went dry. Her thoughts raced.

“Mama?” she whispered as she stepped over the puddle.

Gingerly Sara peeked around the island, her fingertips white from gripping the edge. Sara froze. A scream was stuck in her throat. She stared and stared not quite processing what she was looking at.

“Mama?”

Something wet and warm touched her toes. Sara flinched and took quick steps backwards, her feet smearing red marks across the floor. Mama was lying still on the ground with a growing pool of red. The lump in her throat grew large and it threatened to choke her. 

“Mama?” she called louder still, her eyes stinging with tears.

“Sara,” Scott wailed. “I can't open the door.”

Scott’s voice jolted her. “Call C-Sec!” she shouted. “Mama needs help!”

Sara yanked the dangling end of the tablecloth. Plates and utensils came crashing down onto the floor. Heedless of the red puddle, she rushed over to Mama. Her trembling hands bunched the cloth up and pressed it against Mama’s head. Tears streamed down her face as she fought to keep her hands steady. Mama told her to press against her skinned knee when she fell. “ _If it is bleeding, you should press on it so that the bleeding stops_ ,” her mother’s words echoed in her head.

Mama was bleeding. Sara remembered her lesson so she pressed, ignoring the mess she was making sitting in the red puddle.

“Sara?” Scott called his voice hitching. “Did you find Mama?”

Sara pressed and pressed, arms trembling from the effort. “Call C-Sec! You remember what Papa taught us?” she shouted, trying to keep the panic out of her voice.

Sara heard Scott ran back to his room. Their parents had given them omni-tool cuffs for their recent birthday. The first thing Papa drilled into them were the emergency numbers. Sara hoped Scott remembered the numbers because her mind was drawing a blank. Everything was red and everything smelt funny. All she knew to do was to press the cloth against Mama’s bleeding head.

Scott’s voice was muffled as it drifted from his room. Sara bit down on her lip. She tasted something metallic. “Mama, wake up!” she cried, unable to hold it back any longer. “I’ll wash my hands. I won’t be bad. Wake up!”

“Come now!” Scott shouted from his room. “Please!”

Sara didn’t remember much after that. She pressed and pressed but the red was everywhere. She screamed and fought when a C-Sec officer came to take Mama away.

“No! No!” she struggled as arms dragged her away.

Her eyes searched for Scott and found he was being similarly restrained by another. Tears and snot ran down his face. She couldn’t hear what the officer was telling her. All Sara knew was she had to keep pressing.

* * *

“I trained and worked as a C-Sec officer and what do I get saddled with? Babysitting! Literally!” she muttered under her breath as she raked her fingers over her crest. “Kasi T'ersi, C-Sec Officer and baby-fucking-sitter.”

She stalked through the corridors of Huerta Memorial Hospital and found the right place. Kasi stopped at the nurses’ station and asked, “I’m here to pick up the Ryder twins, do you know where they are?”

One of the nurses stood up. “Follow me.”

“Their mother had fallen at home and was sent here,” the nurse said as they walked through the confusing maze of corridors. “Has their father been informed?”

Kasi nodded. “Their father is an Alliance soldier. His return to the Citadel has been delayed due to a complication at work. The Alliance has been informed.”

“The twins are understandably traumatised by what happened so be careful how you speak to them. We didn’t manage to get them changed so you have to take care of that when you get them home.”

Kasi fought not to roll her eyes. “The Alliance will push the information it up the chain. Their father should be back soon. I don’t think I’ll have to watch them for more than a day or two.”

“What they need now is something familiar,” the nurse continued. “Try to be gentle with them.”

They’re kids. All they needed were a bottle and a nappy change. How hard could that be? They probably sat and cried while someone else called C-Sec. Kasi took a deep breath and steeled herself for a trying couple of days with whining brats.

“They are around that corner. My colleague is with them,” he said.

Kasi nodded. The nurse left, and she went on by herself. She froze when she saw the kids. One of them, the boy, was sitting on the chair, feet dangling. His hand holding the girl’s hand. The girl was sitting next to him, a twin to the boy in everything, but she was all red. Her shirt and shorts were all bloodstained. Her hands and knees brown with dried blood. Her knees drawn up to her chest, her chin resting on her knees. Her face was tear stained as was her brother’s. The twins held onto each other like they were two pieces of flotsam tossed about in the rough seas.

The girl’s eyes darted and found Kasi’s. Kasi’s breath caught in her throat, she would have taken a step back if she wasn’t prepared. The girl’s brown eyes were afraid but there was a glint of protectiveness. Her hand tightened around the boy’s, jerking the boy’s attention to Kasi. Taking a deep breath, Kasi approached the twins.

* * *

Alec’s cabin was too small. He had too much pent-up energy and nowhere to spend them, and he had taken to hovering over the shoulder of the pilot. If only he wasn’t embedded deep for a reconnaissance mission, if only he didn’t have to maintain radio silence, if only his mission didn’t go to hell. If only, if only, his mind was only filled with if onlys.

Two days ago, Alec had arrived back at base camp, anxious to get in touch with Ellen, to let her know he was safe. He had been delayed in the field, spending extra days cleaning up the mess. Instead, he found an urgent message from C-Sec when he got back to base. His world spun off its axis when he got the news. Alec wasn’t a person to collapse at the first sign of bad news. He was trained to harden, to attack the problem head-on with plans and logic. He shored up his defences, protected his people and planned his counter-attack.

But his base was his home. His people were his family and they were left defenceless without him there. The twins were five. Fuck, they were just five. His mind kept throwing him images of Scott and Sara crying and scared, calling for him and he wasn’t there.

Scott was straightforward, how he felt was clear on his face. ISara was trickier. His baby girl would try to hold back, to pretend she was ok even when tears were rolling down her face. For the first time, he wondered if he could continue being in the Alliance.

It had been a mad dash back to the Citadel. He had no news of Ellen’s condition or the twins. His attempts to get news from C-Sec was met with a wall of red-tape and bureaucracy. In the end, he had called the Alliance. Thankfully Alec managed to get a hold of Anderson and he called in a favour. “Of course, Ryder,” Anderson agreed. “I’ll look in on Ellen’s condition and the twins as well.”

That was one day ago. Anderson had called back. “Ellen had fainted at home. She fell and cracked her head open. The doctors are worried she is suffering a concussion so she is being kept at the hospital for observation. The twins are currently being watched by a C-Sec Officer.”

As much as the news put his mind at ease, Alec was still worried. Ellen had been having random bouts of nosebleeds and recently dizzy spells. It had gone from inconvenient to worrying.

By the time the frigate docked at the Citadel, the pilot was glad to see the back of Alec. Alec cut a wide path through the crowd at the docks. He didn’t care what people thought as he cut to the front of the queue using his N7 credentials. With his duffle bag in his hand, Alec got into a skycar. He was going home.

“Damn it, four fucking days,” he muttered under his breath as he pressed his palm against the holo-lock.

The door slid open as soon as his identity was verified. Instead of the usual laughter of Sara and Scott to greet his return, he got silence. Instead of Ellen smiling at him, he got a strange asari looking up at him when he entered his own home. For some reason, his eyes went straight to the asari’s still booted feet. A vague sense of anger rose from his chest. It’s yet another reminder that things were not right.

“Where are they?” he asked, his voice gruff and to the point.

“Inside,” she replied. “They’re sleeping.”

Alec glanced at his omni-tool. In his haste to get home, he had totally forgotten about the time. It was well past midnight. The asari stood up, ready to take her leave but Alec walked straight to the rooms after removing his boots. The asari hesitated before doing the same to hers and following him inside.

The first door on the right belonged to Scott. It was empty. The asari pointed at Sara’s room. He pressed his hand on the door and it slid open silently. Activating the red light on his omni-tool so that he had enough light to see by, he entered on ninja silent feet. Alec was after all a father of twins, he was trained by babies with hair-trigger hearing. Both of them were curled together in a tangle of limbs. Sara’s arm around Scott’s shoulders protectively while Scott had his fingers intertwined with Sara’s. Alec could imagine that’s how they looked while in the womb.

He sighed and smoothed Scott’s hair from his head. His fingers found dampness on his pillows, his face tearstained. Gently, he brushed them away before turning to Sara. Her brow was furrowed even in sleep, her eyes rolling rapidly behind her closed eyelids, in a dream state. Alec brushed his lips gently over both his children’s foreheads before leaving the room again.

Once back out in the corridor and the door safely closed, Alec turned to the asari expectantly. The asari straightened and squared her shoulders. “I’m C-Sec officer Kasi T'ersi. I’ve been watching Sara and Scott for the past four days.”

Alec nodded for her to continue. “Scott has been crying himself to sleep every night. He refused to sleep unless Sara was with him,” Kasi said. “Sara has been-”

Muffled shouts and screams started to come from the room. Alec didn’t wait. His palm went immediately to the holo-lock and he slipped in before the door opened fully. Someone thrashing about the bed, muttering incoherently. “Sara, wake up,” Scott begged, his voice higher than usual.

Tapping on his omni-tool to activate the lights. Scott winced and stared at him. “Papa,” he sobbed.

“Baby girl,” Alec called, his daughter was curled in a ball, hands clenched.

Her mutterings getting louder and clearer. Scott crawled away from Sara and hugged his leg. With one arm around Scott, Alec bent over his daughter and called her name . His ears caught her words.

“Mama, wake up. Mama, wake up,” Sara whispered over and over.

His heart clenched, he tightened his grip on Scott’s shoulder. Gingerly, Alec placed his hand on her smaller shoulder and shook. That snapped Sara out of her nightmare. Her eyes looked about wildly, confused at first by the bright lights and the people around her. Then Sara’s brown eyes found his own and tears welled up in her eyes. Her face crumbled and she wailed.

“Papa, I tried. I really tried,” she said as she buried her face in his chest.

“It’s ok, baby girl. Everything is ok,” he said as he rocked her gently.

Alec sat down and both of them shifted closer to him. As if they were afraid he might disappear as well. Their small hands clutched onto his shirt, buried their faces against him. His hands rubbing their backs in a bid to comfort them. His jaw ached at how hard he was clenching it.

Alec shot a look at Kasi, seeking an explanation of what his daughter was saying. Kasi kept her silence. It wasn’t until Alec managed to get the twins to fell asleep before they had a chance to speak.

“What is Sara talking about?” he demanded.

“Your daughter, sir, was found keeping the pressure on your wife’s wound. Your son was the one who called C-Sec,” Kasi said. “I don’t know how you run your household here. I don’t know if this is something you taught them to do but your children, Scott and Sara, are remarkable. They are heroes. Your wife might not have been alive if it wasn’t for your children.”

Alec clenched his jaw. He knew all this but he hadn’t realised the severity of Ellen’s injury or how much the twins had done. “Your daughter is mostly ok in the day, helping her brother through what needed to be done on a day to day basis. It’s the nights when she falls apart. She gets these nightmares,” Kasi went on. “I was there to pick them up Huerta that first night. Your daughter was entirely covered with blood. She had to sit in the blood keeping pressure. This isn’t something any regular five-year-old is expected to do. Your son called C-Sec and provided accurate information so that they sent the medics in as quickly as they did. You, sir, have remarkable children.”

Alec kept quiet for a moment, taking in the words Kasi was saying. Finally, he spoke. “I know, I know they are remarkable. Thank you for your time and effort for staying with them.”

Kasi shook her head. “I did nothing much, other than to help them take things from high places. I dare say if left on their own, they would have found a way to get things done.”

With that, Kasi took her leave. That left Alec alone in a house so quiet, too quiet. The silence was overwhelming.


	3. Flare

“I’m fine,” Ellen insisted. “I just didn’t have my lunch that day. It’s just low blood sugar.”

Alec frowned. “But this isn’t the first time it has happened,” he pointed out. 

Ellen’s head was still bandaged. Her hair stank of medi-gel and she wasn’t allowed to wash her hair since being hospitalised. The doctor didn’t want her wound getting wet. She hated her hair feeling greasy, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Pulling her long brown hair into a ponytail was the best she could do to make it presentable. Alec had arrived home yesterday and he had called to tell her he was coming first thing in the morning. She stared at her own reflection in the mirror, noticing the deep circles under her eyes. Sleep was hard to come by away from the twins. Worry kept her up despite the painkillers that made her feel woozy all the time. 

She sighed, wishing for some makeup so that she didn’t look quite like a corpse warmed over. Ellen didn’t want Alec to worry. He had always been a worrier especially when it came to her and the twins. She glanced at him. The worry lines taken up permanent residence between his brow. Her fingers twitched wishing she could soothe the worry away. 

“You had a concussion, Ellen,” he said, his mouth pressed into a thin line. “These spells are not normal. Please let’s go see a doctor?”

They had been going back and forth this for the past ten minutes and she was sick of it. Ellen tried to change the subject. “How are the kids?”

“They are fine,” Alec said, his answer short and curt.

Alec poked his head out of the door and spoke to someone outside. When he shifted his body, two smaller bodies came rushing in. Scott came rushing in. “Mama!” 

He climbed up onto her bed and threw himself against her chest. Ellen smiled, enjoying the warmth of his short arms around her. She ruffled his messy brown hair. Ellen looked up, expecting Sara to come crashing against her but she found her daughter subdued and lingering at the doorway. Sara stared at her unblinkingly with a frown on her face. Her brown eyes serious. “Sara, come here,” Ellen called, stretching a hand out towards her. 

Sara shuffled over and joined her brother sitting next to her. Her hand sought out Scott’s. Sara’s hand tightened over Scott’s hand as if he might disappear. Ellen’s heart clenched. She hugged her children tighter. 

* * *

Alec frowned. This wasn’t like Sara at all. Usually she was the high energy one, more so than Scott. Seeing her quiet and hesitating didn’t sit right with him. Kasi, who was watching the twins for him, peeked inside the room. He beckoned her aside and asked, “What happened?” 

“The nurses allowed the twins to see your wife after they had cleaned her up,” Kasi explained. “They had to remove them from the ward after Sara wouldn’t stop crying. She was crying that she didn’t save her mother. And Scott seeing his sister in tears, wouldn’t stop either. They were both inconsolable until they cried themselves out.”

Alec’s jaw twitched. He could review the home security footage to see what happened exactly but he feared to actually see it. “Alec,” Ellen called, pulling him from his thoughts. “What are you not telling me?”

Her eyes dark with worry, her hands stroking the twins’ hair protectively. He sighed and explained what C-Sec found when they entered the home. A hand flew straight to Ellen’s mouth as she gasped. It drifted from her mouth to the bandage on her head. Tears welled up in her eyes. Alec sank down onto the bed and hugged her and the twins. “Shh… they are a little shaken up, but they will be ok,” Alec assured her.

“Let’s see that doctor,” Ellen said. “For the kids.”

He hugged her tighter. Eventually they left to get lunch. Scott on his right and Sara on his left. His hands couldn’t help but feel the smallness of their hands but they had done so much. A sense of pride filled his chest. He felt Sara’s step falter. Alec turned and went down on one knee. His hands came to rest on her shoulders. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?” he asked gently. 

“Will Mama be all right?” she asked, her voice broke at the last word. 

Alec’s heart ached harder. Tears were already welling up in Sara’s eyes. “You were so brave, baby girl. You did exactly what you were supposed to. You saved Mama. You did good, Sara,” he said as he pulled her into a hug. “Mama will be ok.”

Sara started sobbing in earnest, letting out all the fear and anxiety she kept pent up for days out. “Why is Sara crying?” Scott asked, his own little voice trembling. “Why is she crying?”

“Shh… Mama will be ok,” Alec said. “Come here.”

The twins buried their faces against his chest and sobbed. 

* * *

Ellen still felt tired, but she was glad to be home. The kids were slowly getting back to normal especially Sara who had been constantly watching her. It was one week to the day of the accident. Sara and Scott returned to school for the first time. Ellen hoped the return to school would help the twins adjust to normalcy again. Alec had informed the teachers and asked them to look out for any issues arising from the traumatic event. The teachers assured them they would watch the twins. If the need arose, they could recommend some suitable therapists for them. 

Alec refused to leave Ellen alone in the home much to her amusement. That lasted until she snuck a peek at the home security footage. It sobered her up quickly and was thankful Alec had pushed her to get an appointment with a specialist. Ellen was sure it was nothing serious but it didn’t hurt to be certain. 

Dinner was fun that day. Sara was beginning to regain her usual cheer. Ellen paid special attention to her, calling Sara her little hero. “All right, bed time kids,” she called. 

The twins immediately started whining. “No, Mama can’t we just watch another vid?” Scott begged. 

“I’m not sleepy,” Sara pleaded while yawning. 

Ellen leaned against Alec and laughed. “Just one more,” she relented. 

“Yay!” the twins cheered and went back to their vid. 

Ellen was taking a fresh dose of painkillers when Alec came into their bedroom. “They’re asleep?” she asked. 

Alec nodded. “Yeah they are. Scott seems to be recovering well,” he said. 

Ellen glanced at him expecting him to continue but she could see the worry on his face for Sara. She was still having nightmares every night but hopefully today was a good start for healing. “Come here,” she said. 

Alec crawled into bed. She snuggled close against him, taking in his warmth and scent. “We’ll get through this,” she whispered. 

Alec nodded, his beard tickling her shoulder. She sighed. “It’s good to be home,” she whispered. 

Alec wrapped his arm around her. “I’m glad you’re home,” he said. 

* * *

A loud crash rocked the home. Then, a child’s wail rang out. Alec and Ellen got to their feet instantly. Ellen glanced at her husband and saw the soldier there instead. He unlocked the safe next to their bed to retrieve his Alliance issued pistol. With a curt hand gesture, he signalled for her to hang back. 

Ellen’s heart thundered against her ribs with worry. Seconds ticked by as Alec went out to clear their home of threats. “Ellen!” he called and her feet took her quickly out to him. 

Ellen saw the door to both the kids’ rooms open. Alec jerked his arm towards Scott’s room as he headed into Sara’s. Scott was sitting on his bed when she snapped the lights on. He looked confused and scared. 

“What happened? What was that loud sound?” he asked, his lips quivering. 

“Let’s go ask Papa ok?” she said as she gathered him into her arms. 

She grunted as she picked him up. Swiftly, Ellen walked over to Sara’s room. She stopped short at the threshold. Sara’s room was completely trashed. All her toys and homework were scattered all over the room. The scent of eezo hung on the air. Alec cradled Sara as she sobbed. “I was dreaming and this happened when I woke up. I don’t know what I do,” she cried. “My body hurts.”

Alec looked over at her and mouthed. “Biotics.”

Ellen nodded, recognising the smell and the very obvious signs. “Your body hurts because you are activating parts of your body in a new way,” Alec explained. 

Sara hung onto her father’s words like a lifeline. Relief that she wasn’t being scolded for the mess and anxiety over the strange sensation she was experiencing warred across her face. “Sometimes this happens when people have bad dreams,” Alec went on. “Were you having a bad dream?”

Sara nodded. “About Mama,” she admitted. “I’m sorry.”

Ellen’s heart hurt as she sat on the bed, setting Scott down beside Sara. “No, don’t apologise Sara. This isn’t your fault. Mama is sorry you have bad dreams,” she said as she hugged her daughter. 

* * *

It turned out it wasn’t only Ellen who needed the doctor, they had decided to get Scott and Sara tested to confirm their biotic ability. They had to talk about implants soon if they didn’t want their home constantly trashed by uncontrolled biotics. 

Sara followed her brother and her parents into the cold and scary room. Her eyes darted around, taking in the huge pieces of looming machines. “Papa, why are we here?” she asked for the umpteenth time. 

Alec knelt down so that he could look at his daughter in the eyes. “Remember Mama fell and hit her head?”

Sara nodded, her fingers clinging onto her father’s larger ones. “So she is getting checked on today,” he continued. “See?”

Sara followed her father’s finger and saw her mother dressed in a large and loose dress in the other room. Sara thought the dress looked funny. Scott was pressing his face against the glass separating the rooms. “Sara, come see!” Scott called. “There is a big machine over there.”

Her father turned to look at her. Sara shrank a little under his gaze, feeling a little like she was doing something wrong. She shook her head and tightened her grip on Papa’s hand. “Why are we wearing this?” Sara asked instead, her other hand flapping her own loose dress at him. “Scott’s wearing a dress too.”

“You will get to go in a big machine later too. So will Scott,” Alec explained. 

“Really?” Scott asked, his eyes large like saucers. He pressed his nose harder against the glass. “Look, Sara, it’s starting!”

Her father pulled her towards the glass. “Come on, I’ll hold your hand if you’re scared,” Scott offered. 

She put her free hand behind her. “I’m not scared!” Sara declared with a huff, letting go of her father’s hand to join her brother. 

It was a little dark on the other side, she cupped her hands around her eyes to see better. Her mother climbed onto a table which was slowly moved into a giant donut. It didn’t take long. More importantly, Sara thought it didn’t look that scary.

When Mama joined them, Scott was jumping up and down, “I want to go! I want to go!” 

Mama smiled at them. “At least it won’t be hard to get Scott to go,” she remarked while Papa snorted. 

“Does it hurt?” Sara asked tugging on Mama’s dress to confirm. 

Mama ruffled her short brown hair and said, “It doesn’t hurt at all. It’s a little boring but that’s all.”

Scott’s turn went by fast. It wasn’t long before it was her turn. Sara clung to the nurse’s hand as she looked back at her parents. They smiled reassuringly at all. Scott stuck his tongue out at her. Sara did the same in return and felt braver. The nurse lifted her onto the table. “Lie down,” the nurse said. 

Sara’s hands tightened around her dress as the table started moving towards the donut. Vaguely Sara wondered if her nightmare the previous night was the reason why they were here. 

* * *

Ellen peered at the screen over the technician’s shoulder. This was, after all, her area of expertise. Scott’s scan was displayed on one of the screen. A faint outline of Scott’s body and within it were the white glow of bones and red lines of his arteries and organs. There wasn’t the telltale blue nodes of eezos that was standard for all biotics. She glanced at Alec and said, “Scott’s not biotic.”

Alec cocked his head. “That’s weird isn’t it?”

By then, she had turned back to the screen as Sara’s scan came up on screen. First, the faint outline of Sara’s body showed up. Then, clear as day, blue, so bright it was almost white, nodes showed up throughout her nervous system. The technician gasped. Ellen would have too if she wasn’t so focused on taking a rough count of the number of nodes. She gave up. There were too many. She glanced at Alec. No words needed to be exchanged. It was clear by the scan that Sara was a biotic and a strong one judging by the intensity and number of nodes she had. 

“It’s really rare for a human so young to manifest biotics abilities,” the technician remarked. “Your daughter isn’t the youngest but she is among the youngest. Did she exhibit her abilities under extreme stress?”

Ellen sighed, guilt weighed like a heavy stone on her chest. 

* * *

They sat at a cafe while the twins were enjoying themselves at a nearby playground. Alec looked at her, a question in his eyes. “We have to talk about an implant for Sara,” she said simply, confirming his question. 

“She’ll need training too,” Alec said. 

“If you don’t want to keep buying new furniture, yes,” Ellen pointed out. “Eventually. Five is a little too young for training.”

“I don’t make enough credits to keep us furnished at this rate.”

Alec snorted. “But it’s never too young to start learning.”

He took a sip of coffee before asking, “But is it odd that Sara is a biotic but Scott isn’t? I mean they are twins after all.”

“I mean it is weird but not uncommon. They must have their eezo exposure after that explosion in my lab. Maybe Sara’s body had absorbed all the eezo before Scott could? I mean we are still studying how these things happen. We know they happen but not really how,” she said. “There are cases where one twin developed biotics while the other twin had horrible cancers so we should be thankful for that.”

Alec nodded, worry etched across his face. “What about her implant? The L2 implants are getting reports of severe complications. I don’t want Sara getting that,” he said, keeping his eyes trained on the twins. 

“Actually,” Ellen said. “I might be able to pull some strings and get her the experimental L3 implant.”

“Experimental?” Alec asked, looking at her. “Is it safe?”

“The tests showed it is far more stable than the L2. Though it doesn’t allow her abilities to spike higher than the L2 but it shouldn’t come with the complications the L2 has.”

Ellen bit her lip and reached across the table for Alec’s hand. “This is really my fault,” she confessed. “If it wasn’t for my clumsiness, Sara wouldn’t have manifested her abilities. She’s just five.”

Alec didn’t say anything. He wasn’t one for empty words of comfort. His hand tightened around hers. “She’s a fighter. Our baby girl will be strong.” 

That night, Sara had another nightmare and Alec had taken to sleeping with her. For an entire week, Sara had no nightmares. she slept soundly in the security of her father’s arms. 


	4. Night Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Medical procedures done on a child, right at the end.

Alec felt his world come crashing down about his ears. His hand tightened around Ellen’s. “Can you repeat that?” he asked, wishing that he had misheard. He must have, right?

“The condition is terminal,” the salarian doctor repeated. 

His breath quickened. Her hand felt limp in his. His eyes darted to Ellen’s. She was shuffling through the scans and reports. Her eyes flicked across the datapad, reading the same line over and over again. Eventually, she stopped. Repeated reading wouldn’t change the results. “Terminal” flashed big and bold at the bottom of the datapad. Alec pulled the datapad from her hands. Ellen didn’t move. Her head bowed. “Ellen,” he called. 

She lifted her head to face him. Her eyes were wide. There wasn’t sadness or anger. She was surprised. Then, her eyes met his and her calm shattered. 

“Alec,” her voice broke. 

“I’m very sorry. I’ll give you some time alone. I’ll be happy to answer any other questions you have, just press this button here when you are ready,” the doctor said and quietly left.

The door slid open then close. Alec looked at Ellen. Tears were welling up in her eyes. Alec didn’t know what to say. He had faced death, seen death but he never ever expect to find it so close to home. He pulled her into his chest. The waves of uncertainty, fear and worry poured off her. 

Give him an enemy, he could disarm and disable them within seconds. He could take them out in any number of ways. But a disease? Something small and intangible. Something that was flowing in Ellen’s veins. How could he protect his family from something as insidious as a disease?  

His arms wrapped around her shoulders as Ellen turned her head into his chest. He was holding her as much as himself together. This was just too unfair.

* * *

“AEND is a rare neurodegenerative disorder,” the doctor’s words echoed in his head. “The fainting spells are a symptom of AEND. There are medications that can aid in alleviating the symptoms. There is hope, Mr. Ryder. There are many studies and research conducted on AEND.”

“Is there a cure?” Alec repeated.

“There is no known cure at the moment.”

It didn’t matter how many time he asked the question. The answer was still the same: Ellen had a death sentence over her head. “What caused this?” he demanded, anger made his voice tight and curt. 

The doctor paused and finally said, “Ellen’s prolonged exposure to eezo during her research. But, I think the subsequent exposure to purified eezo is the main cause.”

Alec hugged Ellen tighter. It shattered her calm and her tears were hot against his chest. “Alec, I’m not ready. I have much more I want to do. Scott and Sara, they’re too young to be without their mother,” she whispered into his chest. 

“The doctor said this is a slow progressing disease. They will find a cure,” he consoled, not believing a single word he was saying. 

“Everything will be fine. I’ll make everything all right again,” Alec promised.

Ellen sobbed harder. 

* * *

It was a night like any other. Ellen glanced at the clock, it was close to midnight. The twins had long since gone to bed. She had gotten off the phone with Dr Harry Carlyle. The date was set for Sara’s surgery. Now all she had to do was secure the implant. 

Alec crawled into bed next to her and they settled in for bed. It has been a week of nightmare-free nights. Sara was slowly returning to her usual energetic self again. Ellen broached the subject of the implant and biotics to Sara that day. Sara replied with the usual five-year-old nonchalance and single-mindedness of everything irrelevant to the topic at hand. She knew she had more time to talk to Sara so Ellen pushed it out of her mind. 

Alec was worried, but he tackled it with his usual stoicism. He threw himself into work and research of her disease. Information was few and far between. It was all that consumed him now. It felt futile to her. Ellen didn’t intend to roll over and die. She refused to go without a fight but right now, she was too tired to even think about it. If this was how Alec coped, who was she to stop him? Meanwhile, handling the logistics for Sara’s surgery was something tangible, something controllable. It helped keep her from spiralling deeper into dark thoughts of her own condition. 

A muffled cry echoed through the house. Ellen started to get up but Alec pressed a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll handle it,” he said. 

She relaxed back into bed. Alec always was better at handling Sara, he had a special connection with her since birth. Father and daughter were practically inseparable if Alec was home. The muffled cry cut off when she heard the door slid open to their daughter’s room. Some more muffled voices and Sara’s hitching breaths. Ellen cocked her head. It wasn’t the way things usually went. Alec’s voice got louder and clearer. 

“Sara, you’re a big girl. It’s only a nightmare. Go back to bed,” Alec said, his tone firm. 

Sara’s sobs grew louder. “I’m scared, Papa.”

“Go to bed, Sara. And no more crying. It’s just a bad dream.”

Ellen frowned and got up. She stood at the threshold of Sara’s room. Alec was glaring at their sobbing daughter, hands on hips as if dressing down a raw recruit. Sara’s eyes and nose were red and watery as she bit her lips in an attempt to follow orders. Alec made to leave the room and Sara’s face crumbled a little more with every step he took away from her. 

Ellen stepped aside and let Alec past. She shot him a look, promising a long talk later. Taking a deep breath, she went to Sara who was standing by her bed, holding back her tears. Ellen’s heart broke. Guilt and pride intermingling heavily in her chest. “Come here, Sara,” she said, pulling her daughter into her arms. “Mama will sleep with you.”

* * *

Sara was confused. “Why are we here?” she asked frowning. “Why didn’t I go to school with Scott today?”

At first, she was excited to go on a trip all by herself with her parents without Scott. It was a rare treat. Sara was relishing the day of fun and excitement. The wisps of the nightmare the night before all but banished from her mind.  

Sara turned to look at Papa. He was still busy on his omni-tool. Disappointed, she looked away, pulling at her shirt. A hand grasped her shoulder. She found Mama looking down at her. Mama’s warm hand took her own and Sara grinned. Sara was looking forward to playing with her friends but going out with Mama and Papa was much better. 

Glancing around her, Sara pouted. She was hoping to go back to the playground they visited a while back but when they got off the skycar, they were standing out the same white building where Mama was staying while she wasn’t well. Sara shivered a little at the memory. Frowning, she asked again, “Why are we here?”

“You remembered what I talked to you about?” Mama prompted. “Your biotics?”

Sara nodded and rubbed her eyes. Her eyes felt sandy. The nightmares made sleeping hard. “You said I have biotics,” she said. 

Sara glanced at the giant words on the building. Her eyes picking out the alphabets from the words. Huerta Memorial Hospital was bustling with patients and medical personnel alike. “Am I ill? Do I need to see the doctor?” Sara asked.

Mama immediately pulled her to a stop. Kneeling down, Mama looked at her in the eye. Mama’s eyes were dark and serious. She said, “No, it is not a disease. You are not sick, Sara.”

Sara blinked at the intensity in Mama’s eyes. She glanced at Papa, looking for a clue for what’s expected from her. Papa’s lips curled. Sara felt confused by it, it wasn’t a face she recognised. Sara cocked her head for a while then shrugged. “Ok, Mama,” she replied simply. 

Mama smiled but she looked a little sad. “So, you’re here to get an implant,” she explained. 

* * *

Sara pulled at the weird dress they made her change into and pranced around the strange room. It had a bed and all, like the one Mama stayed at previously. Mama was outside speaking to another man while Papa was still on his omni-tool. Sara frowned and wondered what was so interesting on his omni-tool. Maybe there was a funny vid on it, she wondered. Sara walked over and pulled herself up the chair next to Papa’s. “What are you-“

Her hand slipped and before she could squeeze her eyes shut, bracing for the fall, strong hands caught her, halting her fall. Tentatively Sara opened her eyes and found herself in Papa’s arms. She squealed and giggled but her laughter died in her throat when she saw Papa’s face. The amusement drained off of her face as she looked at her feet sheepishly. Taking a chance, Sara took a peek up at Papa. His eyes were angry, she bit her lip and shuffled further away from him.

“Sorry,” she muttered, “I’m sorry, Papa.”

Before Papa could react, Mama entered with the other man. Curious she looked. Mama beaconed towards her and said, “Sara, come say hello.”

Sara shook her head and hid behind Papa’s legs. The man approached her. “Hi Sara,” he said. “My name is Harry.”

Her eyes grew wide. “Like hairy?” she asked, popping her head from behind Papa’s legs. “Like a lot of hair?”

Her father pushed her out to the front and kept his hands on her shoulders. Harry laughed and shook his head. “Harry like H. A. R. R. Y,” he spelt. 

Sara grinned and tugged at her scratchy gown. “I’m going to help put something into your head to help you control your biotics better,” he explained. 

“My head?” Sara’s eyes widened. 

Harry seemed flustered as he realised his error and hastily corrected himself. “I mean your neck.”

“So cool!” she exclaimed, beaming at the thought of having something in her head. 

Harry glanced at Mama, then at Papa before sighing in relief. The door slid open again and a different kind of bed got pushed in. “Ok, Sara. It’s time to go.”

She frowned even as her father carried up to the bed. “Here, lie down,” Harry said. “You’re going to fall asleep and wake up with the implant. It’s not going to hurt one bit.”

Her stomach tied itself into knots. Is it real? Were they really going to put something inside her head? Sara blinked. She was expecting pretend not reality. Her eyes searched out for Papa’s. “Papa, I don’t want to do that anymore,” she whined as she tried to scoot off the bed.

Papa’s strong hands caught her again before she could jump off. “Sara, you have to do this,” he said, “It’s for your own good.”

Sara frowned, her eyes darting between her parents. Her hands worrying at the edges of her gown. “I’m scared. Where are they going to take me? Is it going to hurt?”

“It won’t, Sara. You’re a big girl,” Papa said, his eyes strangely hard and still a little angry. “No crying.”

Sara hadn’t realised but her eyes were watering. She bit her lips to hold it in. “I don’t want to go,” she insisted. 

She winced as Papa’s grip on her shoulder tightened. Mama pulled at Papa’s arms and glared at him. Sara shifted away from the unspoken conflict happening. The atmosphere in the room soured. It must be all her fault, Sara thought. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wiped her tears angrily with the back of her hand. Clenching her fists, Sara tried to be brave but the fear wouldn’t go away. She shouted, “I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.”

Mama hissed something at Papa before turning to her. She couldn’t catch what Mama said. “Sara,” Mama said as she sat on the bed next to Sara. “It’s not painful, it’s not scary.”

“Really?” she asked disbelievingly even as she scooted to lean against Mama. 

“Yes, many people have the same thing done. They’re all have biotics too. They just need the implant to help stabilize it.”

“So they’re all sick too?” Sara asked, unable to let go of the idea. “Nobody in school has biotics.”

“Silly girl, you’re not sick. They’re not sick. You’re a little special, discovering your abilities so young,” Mama said, smoothing Sara’s sweaty hair back from her forehead with her hand. “I’m going with you. I’ll be by your side when you go to sleep and be there when you wake up.”

“Promise?” 

Mama nodded and smiled at her. “Papa too?” Sara asked, looking at her papa hopefully. 

Papa’s grey eyes were stormy and promised thunder. Sara shrank back against Mama. Nobody spoke for a moment. Harry shuffled from one foot to another, glancing at the other adults in the room. 

“I’m busy,” Papa said, before leaving the room. 

Sara stared at the disappearing back of Papa, her lips started quivering again. “I made Papa angry just now,” she said. “I told him I was sorry. Why is he still angry?”

Mama looked at her, a little sadly, a little angrily. “It’s not your fault, silly girl. Papa is having a bad day.”

Mama sat with her for a while, rubbing her back and singing a little to her. Sara relaxed but she still felt anxious about everything. Finally, she asked, “Are you ready, Sara?”

She nodded and laid down on the bed. Mama pulled the blanket up to her chest and held her hand as the other people pushed the bed. As they exited the room, Sara saw Papa leaning against the wall outside. “Papa,” she called. 

His face hardened and looked away. Mama’s hand tightened around her own, pulling her attention away from Papa. “Don’t worry about Papa,” she said. “Papa is being stupid today.”

A small smile tugged at her mouth. Sara couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of Papa being stupid. 

* * *

The bed stopped and the people started bustling around her. Harry was there explaining what they were doing. “Now, they are going to cut your hair, so that I can see what I am doing later,” he said. “Is that ok, Sara?”

She glanced at Mama, uncertainty grew like butterflies in her stomach. “I like my hair,” she replied, tugging at her short brown hair. “Why do we need to cut it?”

“Sara,” Mama said, “It’s just a little bit of hair at the back. It will grow out quickly.”

“Promise?”

Mama nodded. Sara took a deep breath, her teeth chewing on her lower lip. The busy people scared her a little but she would be brave like Papa wanted. She nodded. 

The nurse was gentle as she asked Sara to bend forward. Her breathing quickened when the steel blades of the shaver dragged through her hair. With her head bent, all Sara could see were the strands of brown hair falling to the floor. Cool air danced across her bare scalp and she shivered. 

Then came with a tray of equipment. “Ok, now we’re going to put this needle into your hand. It is going to hurt a little but I promise it won’t be super painful,” Harry said. 

“See this?” he said, picking up the alcohol swab. “I’m going to clean your hand with this.”

The cotton made her skin all tingly and cool. Sara giggled and watched with interest, the anxiety from before forgotten. “This is the painful bit for it’s only for a little while,” he said. “Maybe you don’t want to look for this part.”

“I’m ok. I want to look,” Sara said, tightening her grip around Mama’s hand. 

The needle broke skin and she winced but Sara kept her eyes on what Harry was doing. The needle went under her skin and her eyes widened. She could feel it. Harry glanced at her and offered her a smile before resuming what he was doing. Eventually, he wrapped white bandages around her hand, leaving only a weird blue port sticking out. “There, done.”

Sara lifted her hand and inspected it. Experimentally she flexed her hand and winced at the stretch of her skin over the needle under her skin. “It hurts,” she declared flatly to Harry. 

Harry laughed. “It does but it isn’t very painful, right?” he countered. 

Sara nodded. “You’re so brave, Sara,” Mama praised. 

She smiled.

* * *

Ellen watched Harry as he injected a mild sedative into Sara’s IV port to start the general anaesthesia process. She held Sara’s hand throughout as they pressed the mask over her small face. Guilt was lingering at the back of her mind. It was her fault Sara had to go through all this. Yes, Sara would manifest her abilities eventually but not at five. Her thoughts inevitability went to Alec. She couldn’t understand his change. It happened while she was still coming to terms to her own terminal condition. Ellen lived in a haze for a while, coming to the surface only to wrangle an experimental L3 implant for Sara. When she blinked and realised what’s happening, Alec had slowly but surely pushed Sara away, spending all his time and attention on Scott. 

Ellen couldn't fault Alec for caring about Scott. Scott also deserved his father’s love and time but what did Sara do to deserve such treatment from him? Ellen was beyond angry at Alec’s behaviour but she held it all in for Sara’s sake. She was scared enough as it was. Sara didn’t need her parents quarrelling in front of her. 

Harry nodded at her. Sara was completely under. “The surgery won’t take long. It will be a little tricker than usual because of her age but I promise you, Sara is in good hands,” Harry said. “It’s best you don’t stay for the next bit.”

Ellen nodded. Kissing Sara’s hand lightly before placed it next to her still form. As she left, she heard Harry giving instructions. “Let’s start the intubation then we’ll flip her over.”

Ellen fled. 


	5. Pitch Black

“Come on!” Scott shouted at her. 

Sara laughed and picked up her rifle and joined Scott. “Ma,” she shouted as she picked up her bag. “We’re going to the range before heading to school.”

Their mother poked her head out from her home lab. “Again?” she asked. 

“We’ve got to practice,” Sara said. “Papa is coming home today and he wants to see how well we have been training.”

Her mother sighed, and shook her head. A strange look flitted across her face. “All right, don’t be late for school. I don’t want to get another mail from the headmistress.”

“Okay,” Sara said, dragging her reply out. 

Scott was impatiently jogging on his feet. The moment she put on her shoes, Scott took off running. “Cheater!” Sara yelled, running after her brother. 

They weaved through the morning crowd, opting to run to the range instead of taking the tram. Their father had been taking them on his runs ever since they were little. The twins, now ten, were used to running. Even the additional weight of their school datapads and air rifles wasn’t a problem for them. 

Sara smacked her hand on the counter. “Ha! I’m first again,” she exclaimed in delight. 

Scott came ten seconds later, panting heavily. “This doesn’t make sense!” he spoke through heavy gasps of air. “I had a head start!”

“That’s what happens to cheaters, they lose,” she pointed out. 

“It’s you two again huh,” the turian at the counter said, eyeing the twins. “Bright and early at opening too.”

“Let us in, Senana,” Scott said. “We got to practice, Papa is coming home today.”

“All right, all right,” she said, holding her talons up in mock surrender. “Let me activate the door scan.”

The holo-lock changed from red to green. “You know what to do. Spirits know you two are my only two regulars.”

Sara laughed and hoisted her bag onto her shoulders again. She waved her omni-tool at the scanner and it beeped. The door opened and let her in. Papa had been bringing them to the range ever since they are strong enough to pull the trigger. The twins took to the range like ducks to water. Training wasn’t training when it was fun and all a competition between the siblings. Papa rented them their own personal lockers and had the pellets stored on site at Armax Arsenal Arena. That was after the great air rifle battle at home which resulted in a broken holo-screen among many other things. 

Sara scanned her omni-tool and the locker popped open. She grabbed her magazine of pellets. “Do you have more magazines?” Scott asked. “I’m down to my last two.”

Sara grabbed all her remaining magazines and handed them to Scott. Papa had insisted they loaded the pellets into magazines themselves instead of buying them pre-loaded. She slammed the locker shut. “Come on let’s go.”

They strode down the range, walking past the one other person using the simulator. Sara stopped and stared at the red-haired woman fighting off waves after waves of virtual batarians with her biotics. Sara watched with awe, her eyes growing wider with the efficiency the red-haired woman mowed down the enemies with ease. The woman stopped when the simulation came to a stop. Using the back of her hand she wiped sweat from her face and turned around. For a split second, their eyes met. The woman cocked her head and gave her a quick nod. Sara returned it. Her fingers went to the scar at the back of her head. It was a short thin line just under her hairline now that she kept her hair in a ponytail. 

“Come on, Sara,” Scott called. 

Sara turned to look at the woman again but she was already starting another simulation session. Almost reluctantly, Sara followed Scott to the non-virtual section. The space was empty so early in the day. Almost nobody made use of this space but them. Sara went through the pre-fire checks that their father had drilled into them. Satisfied, she put on the ear plugs and safety goggles. “Best of five?” Sara asked. 

Scott’s grin grew fierce. “Of course,” he said. “And this time I’ll win.”

* * *

Ellen turned her terminal off and stretched. It was five years since her diagnosis, five years since things changed between Sara and Alec. Ellen sighed. Alec had been taking on missions that kept him longer and longer away from the Citadel, from the home. Ellen was more used to him gone than home. It’s like her bed and bedroom rather than theirs. 

She glanced at the holo-picture they took while the twins were celebrating their fifth birthday. The twins’ eyes were shining with anticipation, mouths puffed up ready to blow the candles out. Alec was making rabbit ears over the twins’ heads while she pecked Alec on the cheek. Her fingers gently touched their faces and it shimmered under her touch. “Where did this go?”

There were arguments, especially while Sara was recovering from the implant surgery. The implant was too big for her growing body and it took a while for her body to get used to it. Fevers and on-going nightmares were bad enough but Alec’s sudden strictness when it came to Sara didn’t help. 

“She’s five, Alec!” Ellen remembered hissing at him one day while Scott was at school and Sara was asleep after taking her medication. 

“What did you expect?” she asked. “This isn’t usually done till she hits puberty.”

Alec sat silently on the bed, shoulders hunched and mouth set. She recognised that look. Alec never shouted when he got angry, he brooded like a mother hen worrying over a missing egg. “Why are you like this?” she asked, sinking down on the bed next to him. 

She reached out and held his hand. “Is it because of me?” 

His hand tightened on hers. “The doctor says the symptoms are controllable. I feel so much better now that I am on medication.”

“You’re dying, Ellen,” he whispered, his voice hoarse as if the words fought to get past his throat. 

She flinched. Ellen knew it intellectually but she hadn’t really examined how she felt about it. Is she ok with it? No, for fuck’s sake, hell no. She’s not ready. She had so much she wanted to do but this was the hand she was dealt with. She could only play with the cards she had. 

“Ellen,” Alec said. “I’ll fix this. I don’t know how right now but somehow I will.”

She never asked how he intended to do it, frankly, she figured this was how he was coping with the situation. He was a fixer, he ran on plans, tactics, strategies. It would do nobody any good to go poke holes in the fragile scaffolding that’s holding him together. Ellen left him be.

But when it came to Sara, Alec remained cold, stern and unforgiving. Ellen did what she could to protect Sara but it wasn’t always enough, not when Sara sought her father’s approval and acknowledgement. “Maybe it’s better he’s not home most of the time,” she mused.  

Ellen shook her head. Alec returning home from a mission always triggered these memories for her. Her hand lingered over Alec’s face on the photo, it was silent. It had no answers for her. 

The main door slid open and Alec stepped in. His temples were starting to show a light dusting of grey. He didnâ€™t have that a couple of years ago. His body though was still the trim body she enjoyed for the past ten years of marriage. Though with him gone all the time, it was tough. Ellen did miss her husband. 

“Hey,” she called. “Welcome home.”

Alec smiled, a small quirk of his lips. 

“So the kids are eagerly waiting for you to come home,” she said. “What did you bribe them with?”

He bent over to remove his shoes and dropped his duffle on the floor. Ellen walked over and waited. It’s their ritual every time he came home. Alec’s arms opened wide. She stepped into his space and leaned into him. Her head against his chest, her ears picking up the steady thump of his heart as his arms enclosed around her shoulders. Alec pressed his lips against her scalp. “I’m home,” he whispered. 

They would have stayed that way for a long time but the door slid open and two tornadoes ripped through the house. “Pa!” Scott shouted, realising Alec was home. 

He slammed into Alec, wrapping his arms around his father. Alec let go of her and Ellen stepped away, allowing Scott into the space. Sara was standing at the threshold, a grin on her face. “Papa!” she shouted. “You’re home.”

She kept her distance, despite the smile on her face. Alec ruffled Scott’s hair, his only concession to affection. “How’s school?” he asked, arms folded across his chest. 

Ellen watched, amused that Scott adopted a parade rest position as he started prattling on about everything that went on at school for the two months that Alec was gone. He listened and nodded periodically with the attention he gave to a subordinate reporting. Sara stepped into the house and stood apart from Scott. Ellen went to her side. “Welcome home,” she said. 

Sara gave her a tight smile, her eyes trained on her father. She also stood at parade rest, waiting for her turn. Ellen bit back a sigh. This was nothing new really. She edged around it and feeling guilty for doing so. They had horrible fights about it but nothing she said could drag an explanation from Alec. Despite it all, she loved the man. The twins adored him. A divorce over this would solve nothing. And so they went into a holding pattern.

“All right, all right, Scott,” Alec said. “Let’s get to the range.”

He turned to Sara, cool grey eyes judging and evaluating, before giving her a curt nod. “Sara,” he said simply in greeting. 

Ellen’s heart clenched at the brilliance of Sara’s smile. Why couldn’t Alec see the same thing? 

“We’re going to the range and you’ll get to show me how well you’ve learnt your lessons,” Alec informed.

“We’ve been practising every day before school,” Sara said. 

“Really?” Alec said, “That’s admirable but only the test will show.”

She beamed and looked at Scott. “I’ll beat you,” she said. “Again!”

“No!” Scott protested. 

Alec clapped his hands together. “All right, let’s go.”

Sara and Scott straightened like a pair of recruits with their rifles on their back. They marched out of the house as they taunted each other under their breaths. Alec turned to look at her. “You want to come?” he asked. 

Ellen shook her head.

* * *

“What did I say about always being ready,” Papa asked, his voice wasn’t loud, but cold and cutting. 

His grey eyes drilled into hers. Sara straightened her back and stared ahead. She could see her brother’s head turning towards her out of her peripheral vision. “Sorry,” he mouthed at her. 

Sara sighed. The magazines she handed Scott meant that she was left with none. Scott didn’t tell her he kept a couple of magazines back in reserve for the test. She was beyond annoyed at him, but it wasn’t totally his fault. She had forgotten about the test. Sara knew she deserved the dressing down. 

“Get your magazine ready,” he snapped finally. “Scott, you start first.”

Sara turned to her locker and started fitting the pellets into the empty magazine. Her fingers knew enough to move with muscle memory but they trembled slightly. Sara clenched her hands and shook them out. Holding her hand out in the air and it was still trembling slightly. “Shit,” she cursed. 

It was something she had done countless of times but she was nervous today. How was she going to shoot straight with shaking hands? Taking a deep breath, she clapped her hands together hard to get them to stop shaking. The shaking didn’t stop but it wasn’t as bad as before. 

Papa had promised he would upgrade their rifles if they got a good score. Anything below a 90% accuracy rate wasn’t good enough, not for Papa. The plinks of pellet hitting paper echoed through the range. She collected the three magazines she prepared and heading off to join the Ryder men. 

Sara watched, her eyes trained on Scott’s posture and breathing. One glance at the target sheet told her Scott had already missed the centre target once already. Papa stood with his arms on his hips, his eyes trained on Scott. She joined him. Scott rolled his shoulders, probably feeling as anxious as she was. “You can do it, Scott,” she whispered under her breath. 

Her father shot her a look. It made her bite her lip. Scott took a deep breath, and fired his last pellet. Sara cursed silently in her head before the pellet even touched the paper target. She knew Scott was going to miss as soon as Scott’s finger tightened on the trigger. Papa sighed a small sound of disappointment at the same time. The pellet clipped the edge of the centre target. It had deviated enough that it wouldn’t be counted. Scott looked down on the floor for a moment before stepping away from the booth. He pulled his ear plugs and safety goggles off angrily. “I’m sorry, Pa,” he said, “I’ll do better the next time.”

Their father shook his head and squeezed Scott’s shoulder. “It’s still above 90%. You did well,” he said. 

Scott nodded, dissatisfaction written all over his face. “Sara,” Papa called. “Your turn.”

She stepped forward and passed Scott who put his hand out to her. She slapped her own against his. “Good luck,” he said. 

Sara nodded and stepped into the booth. Fishing her ear plugs and safety goggles from her pocket, she put them on. It was stepping into a second skin. Someone who didn’t have nerves, someone who was sure of their practice. Her focus narrowed to nothing but the target sheet and her rifle. Nothing else mattered. She had ten pellets to prove herself. Sara took a deep breath and held it. Her finger squeezed. Her rifle bucked. 

She blinked. The world came back into focus. Sara looked and realised she had scored a perfect score for the first time. Her mouth split open in a wide grin. Scott’s eyes were wide as he gave her the thumbs up. She danced over to Scott and smacked his palms in a high five. Turning around, Sara hoped to see pride in her father’s eyes. This time, she was sure it would be there. A perfect score too, what could be better?

Her brown eyes met Papa’s grey ones. They weren’t smiling. Pride wasn’t in them, merely acknowledgement. The passive gaze of a person looking at a machine that performed to expectations. The grin slid off her face. “Good,” he said simply. 

Despite her disappointment, her stomach lurched at her father’s acknowledgement. It must have shown because Scott came over and clapped her on the back. “I won’t remain defeated!” he declared in an exaggerated cartoon villain voice. 

Sara laughed though her heart wasn’t in it. Scott was good like that but the frustration was a stone in her gut. She was so sure this time with a perfect score it would be different. It didn’t have a difference, she was foolish to have thought so.  

Scott and Papa led the way home. Scott was chattering away while Sara lagged behind, lost in her own disappointment. “We’re home!” Scott announced as they entered. 

“Go wash your hands,” Mama said. “Dinner is here.”

The four of them sat around the island each with a plate of steaming hot chicken rice. The fragrance of the steamed rice and chicken pulled Sara from her thoughts. Pretty soon, they were wolfing down the food. Their mother smiled at them indulgently. “All of you stink, who’s going to shower first?” she asked. 

“Scott is,” Sara said, her brother pointing to her at the same time. 

They laughed and quickly started bargaining with their mother over it. Sara eyed the last piece of chicken on the communal plate. Her eyes darted over to Scott to make sure he was distracted. As her hand shot out to snatch it, he noticed. It started a tiny tussle of forks over the plate. Metal screeching over glass in a cringing manner. 

“Enough!” their father barked. 

Both of them jumped and shrank back. Their mother shook her head once and popped the last bit of chicken into her mouth. Sara sniggered and her father shot her a look which promptly made her swallow her amusement. 

“Sara,” he said. 

She jumped a little in her chair, her heart leapt in anticipation for some reason. “Go shower.”

Sliding off her chair, she placed her plate and utensils in the sink. The conversation at the table started up once more. Papa was telling Scott something about his mission. Sara walked to her room to grab her towel, feeling like she was being punished. The disappointment that was banished by food slowly crept back into her chest. 

* * *

The house was quiet. It was almost 11pm. Scott was in his room getting ready for bed. Papa was taking his turn showering. Sara shuffled to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. As she walked towards the kitchen, she realised her mother was there. “Ma,” she called. “What are you doing?”

Her mother turned and showed Sara the various bottles of medication. “I’m taking my medicine.”

Sara nodded. She picked up the bottles and reading their labels before eventually returning them to the counter. Leaning back against the counter, she watched Mama popped the various pills into her mouth. Sara rubbed the back of neck uncomfortably as she glanced at the corridor leading to their rooms. She shifted her weight from one foot to another. 

“What is bothering you?” Mama asked, putting her glass of water down. 

“Nothing,” she mumbled, turning to get herself some. 

“Sara.”

She sighed but concentrated on her cup of water. A gentle hand rested on her head, sleeking her hair from her forehead, tugging gently at her ponytail. “Talk to me, Sara,” her mother coaxed. 

“Does Papa not like me?” Sara blurted. 

She always wondered about it. There was a marked difference in Papa’s treatment between herself and Scott. She could feel it, see it and today, know it. She turned to Mama, her eyes large, scared but hopeful. Maybe her mother knew something she didn’t, maybe her mother had answers for her. 

“Mama,” Sara asked, her voice thin and hesitant. “Does Papa not love me?”


	6. Sundown

Sweat was dripping down her nose, her ponytail was more wet than dry. “Come on, Again,” her father barked. 

Sara wiped the sweat with the back of her hands as she glanced at her father. He was dressed in a form-fitting shirt and shorts, in his hands another tennis ball. His eyes narrowed in annoyance at her hesitation. Sara had her hands on her knees as she bent over. She dragged in breath after breath. Each time her lungs heaved, her body hurt. Tennis balls littered all around her. Sara looked at the ball in her father’s hand and shuddered. 

Mira, the Alliance trainer that her father had hired to train her in her biotics watched on. Her arms folded over her chest and a furrow on her brow. Mira was annoyed, at what Sara couldn’t quite tell. 

She swallowed and straightened, her body protesting every pull of her tortured muscles. She kept her eyes on the tennis ball in her father’s hand. Bit by bit she gathered her biotics as Mira had taught her, the amp tingling at the base of her head. Without warning, her father’s wrist whipped out. The ball zoomed at her. Sara pulled a shield up swiftly. She grinned at her success. The blue shield flickered and fizzled out as soon as the ball made contact. 

“Shit,” she cursed, curling into herself as she braced for impact. Again.

A blue shield stronger than her own flashed to life. The tennis ball thudded harmlessly to the ground. Sara flinched and fell on her butt. “Sara, if your shield couldn't even handle a tennis ball what can your shield do? It’s useless. Do better!” her father scolded. 

She cringed as she staggered to her feet. Her eyes grew hot as her jaw clenched. “I’m trying,” Sara cried, tears welling up.

“You’re a big girl, 13 already,” her father said. “Why are you crying? You were not even hit.”

“Enough, Alec,” Mira shouted. 

She stepped between Sara and her father, an arm outstretched shielding her. Sara edged behind Mira, she wanted, needed respite. His critical eye, his scathing remarks were too much for her now. Nobody spoke but something passed between the adults. Her father stalked off to the other end of the training gym where Scott was having hand to hand combat lessons. 

Sara bit down on her lip. “I’ll do better,” she promised the retreating back of her father. 

He didn’t turn. Mira kept her eye on her father as he walked away. Tears that she held back before her father were streaming down her face. Sara took a deep breath and sniffed loudly. Mira steadied her by holding onto her shoulders. “Come on, sit down,” Mira said. 

Her legs all but gave out with the permission to relax. “Are you all right?”

“It hurts,” Sara admitted as she lifted her shirt.

Her torso and abdomen were covered with little round bruises. Mira hissed and bit off a curse. “Shit, sorry Sara,” she said. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I thought it’s a good way to show him your progress.”

Sara shook her head. “It’s my fault. I wasn’t fast enough. I wasn’t good enough.”

Sara, look at me,” Mira said as she activated her omni-tool to scan her. “You have learnt remarkably fast. It’s your father that has the impossible expectations.”

She shook her head and sighed. “You’re done for the day.” 

Sara struggled to stand but Mira’s stronger hands kept her seated. “You’re done,” Mira repeated. “You’re in no shape to continue. Take the next couple of days off too. I don’t want to see you until those bruises disappear.”

“But…”

“No buts, Sara,” Mira insisted, as she squeezed Sara’s shoulder. “Why don’t go see what Scott’s doing? I’ll clean up here.”

Sara nodded and got to her feet and wavered a little from exhaustion. Mira watched her like a hawk. She gave Mira a thumbs up before walking as steadily as she could fake towards Scott’s end of the gym. 

She stood and watched her father guiding Scott through the finer points of doing a block. Her father was demonstrating the action with slow motions while Scott imitated him. After a couple of tries, their father nodded. “Now, let’s try it,” he said. 

Scott readied himself, arms held chest height, loose and relaxed. His palms open and facing out. Their father came slow and deliberately, allowing Scott plenty of time to move correctly. Sara’s eyes narrowed. A slow sense of unfairness surged from her chest. The tears that had dried were pricking at her eyes again. She blinked furiously to keep them away, but it didn’t work. 

Why didn’t Papa do the same for her? Why was she the only one getting pelted with tennis balls? Was she not good enough somehow? 

“Sara,” Mira called. 

She turned and found an energy bar thrust in her direction. “Eat it, you need to replenish your calories,” she said. 

Mira’s discerning eyes flicked over to the tears standing in her eyes. Her jaw twitched and a frown developed over her brow like thunderclouds gathering across the sky. Sara took the bar from her. Mira waited until she started eating before approaching their father. They moved to the side while Scott’s trainer took over the lesson. Sara watched. Mira’s gestures were sharp and hard. Once she pointed her finger at Sara. Instinctively, Sara straightened her back despite her stiffening muscles knowing her father would look over. His grey eyes found hers. “She’s fine,” his voice drifted over. 

Somehow Sara’s heart leapt a little at his confidence in her despite everything. Mira’s voice got louder. “Alec, she’s your daughter,” she hissed. “For fuck’s sake treat her like one!”

His grey eyes swung back in her direction. This time it was harder and angrier. Sara flinched. What did she do? She tried, didn’t she? She would do better next time. 

“Yes, she’s my daughter,” he replied his voice hard and all edges, putting the emphasis on the _my_. “And she will learn.” 

Mira glared, angry and incredulous. Her face rapidly darkening as she dragged her hand through the cornrows of her hair. Sara watched. Mira’s voice growing in volume while her father’s voice grew tighter and harder. His eyes shot a hard glare in her direction many times as his finger jabbed like a spear at her. Even Scott and his trainer stopped and stared. The training gym suddenly felt too small, too cramped. Sara wanted out. Without thinking, she turned on her heels and left. She didn’t bother taking her things, Sara walked, heedless of where her legs took her. 

* * *

Sara demanded her eyes to stop tearing with furious rubbing. Her jaw clenched tight as she swallowed a shuddering breath. When her feet finally slowed to a stop, Sara looked up. People of all species were making their way to their destination. She didn’t have one. Standing still like a stone in the middle of a flowing river of people. Her chest heaved heavily as the niggling fear of being lost surged. She bit her quivering lips. 

“Hey, little human girl,” a voice called from behind her. “Are you all right?”

Sara twisted around to see a salarian C-Sec officer approaching her. She shrank back and ran. Accepting help meant returning to the gym, to her father. It meant seeing him, meeting his eyes. Cold grey ones that are hard like stone. They always found her wanting. Sara weaved between the walking crowds and was lost among them. The salarian was no match for her. 

Eventually, Sara found herself alone, standing in front of the Avina terminal. She was bored. There was no C-Sec officer chasing her. Wandering through the wards and the Presidium had lost all its novelty too. 

“Welcome to the Presidium,” Avina said as soon as Sara stepped within its sensors’ range. 

“How may I help you?”

Sara sighed. “Why does my father treat me differently from my brother?” she asked. 

The question had been a boulder in her chest for longer than she knew. She asked her mother before. Ma had no answers for her. The look of hurt, sadness and heartache her question wrought made Sara never ask it again. She didn’t want her mother looking helplessly at her ever. 

“I’m sorry I do not know the answer to your question. Do you have another question for me? I could tell you the various points of interest here.”

Sara frowned. What was she thinking? Asking Avina, what would a VI know?

“What am I doing wrong?” she whispered, not expecting an answer. 

The thoughts her escape from the gym had quietened were all swarming to the surface again. Tears welled up in her eyes. Sara wiped them away furiously with the back of her hand. 

“I’m sorry I do not know the answer to your question. You seemed distressed, shall I contact C-Sec for you?”

Sara shook her head and edged away from Avina. Turning away, her legs took her away from the terminal. The boulder in her chest heavier than before, weighing her down like an anchor around her neck. Despite that, being outside on her own, free to decide where to go, what to do was liberating. She took the time to take in the sights. 

* * *

Life at home was mostly going between home, school and training. Scott and her were the ones who trained the longest and most often compared to other Alliance brats their age. Sara did enjoy it. The thrill of besting Scott, of learning something new, of mastering her skills were things she enjoyed. 

Their father was home for that week. The first thing he did was to introduce them to their new teachers. Scott got hand to hand martial arts while she had a biotics teacher. At first, it was exciting. The prospect of honing her biotics made her shiver with anticipation. At the same time, Sara was nervous. It was the first time they trained separately for anything. Before they would be able to help if the other was having trouble but now they couldn’t. Nobody could help her with her biotics. 

The initial excitement quickly faded as Mira ran her through the wringer. 

“Come on Sara,” Mira shouted. “One more time, just like I showed you.”

She sighed and tried to grasp the edges of her biotics. “No, no,” Mira said. “You can’t grab it. Coax it, slowly, tenderly.”

Growling, Sara closed her eyes this time and reached. Her arms were stretched before her. Her fingers grew tingly and the sensation ran up her hands and arms. “Open your eyes,” Mira urged. 

Her hands were on blue fire! A grin split her face. Sara lifted her eyes to meet Mira’s. She found a matching grin on Mira’s face. “See, I know you could do it!”

That was the beginning of her training with Mira. It just got harder and harder as they went on but Mira guided her through every step. Her confidence soared. That changed when her father joined them for one of their training session. 

Sara tried to Pull. The tennis balls barely budged. Taking a deep breath she tried again, this time the balls rolled at a quick clip towards her. Her eyes searched for her father’s to check what he thought about it. It was cold, it was critical. Alec Ryder didn’t need to speak to tear a person down. Despite her relative successes, she wilted further under her father’s critical eye. 

Mira pulled her off to a corner before they packed up for the day. “Sara, you did well. Remember that. Be proud of what you have accomplished. You have done very well for the short time you have been training.”

Sara could only nod numbly. 

* * *

Sara sighed, dragging herself from the memories. Her feet heavy, her emotions had sapped her dry of energy. The thought of her father and Scott hardened the boulder in her chest. It grew heavier the more she thought about it. Her attention was caught by a hanar. Their voice sounded strangely choral and booming but gentle. She drifted slowly over. 

“Little one, do you wish to learn about the Enkindlers?” they asked. 

Sara shrugged. “Your voice sounds nice,” she said, not sure what else to say. 

“This unworthy one thanks you,” the hanar replied. “Do you want to sit? This one wishes to tell you about the Enkindlers.”

The hanar drifted away a little to allow Sara to find a seat on the floor. She sighed as she settled to the floor, drawing her knees to her chest. They started speaking, Sara tried to follow the words but the shimmering and flickering bio-luminescence was mesmerising. Her eyes tracked the lights while their choral voice lulled her into relaxation. Her body slid towards the floor before the loss of balance jerked her awake. 

“This one thinks you are very tired,” they said. 

Sara nodded. “Maybe you should take a rest,” the hanar suggested. “This one will watch over you.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Sara didn’t know how long she slept. She woke up only at the insistent shaking hands clamped around her shoulders. Frowning she opened her eyes to find Mira shaking her. “What?” she asked. 

Her head was throbbing a little from her cry. The light pierced her eyes and she squeezed her eyes shut again. “Sara,” Mira called, “Look at me.”

She opened her eyes again, they darted about and found the hanar hovering anxiously next to her, while her father was standing behind Mira. His arms folded across his chest. “Why did you leave the gym?” he asked. “You know you weren’t supposed to do that.”

She cringed at his tone, though her spark of anger still remained. Its embers were dying under her father’s ire. “Come on, stand up, we’re going home,” he said. 

She struggled to her feet, wavering a little on her feet. Mira’s hand was the only thing that stopped her from sitting down again. “This one wishes you well,” the hanar said. 

“Thank you for letting me rest,” Sara replied, trying her best to smile at the hanar but failing miserably. 

Her father had turned on his heel walking away. “Come on, Scott is waiting for us at the gym.”

Sara moved to follow when Mira stopped her, pushing another energy bar into her hands. “Eat.” 

She blinked sleep from her eyes as her hands tore at the wrapper with no real effect. Her eyes darted at her father who was standing with his arms folded over his chest. He looked pointedly at her. Sara pushed the energy bar back to Mira. “I’m not hungry.”

Mira’s jaw tightened, shooting a look at her father. “Rubbish, you’re exhausted. That little test was too harsh. You need to replenish your calories,” she said

With one hand under her chin, Mira tilted her head to face her. Sara shrank back as Mira came close to inspect her face. “You're having a headache, aren’t you?”

Sara nodded mutedly. “Eat,” she instructed. “It will help.”

Her eyes blinked and Sara cocked her head. “I feel fine,” she insisted, her eyes darting to her father seeking cues. 

Alec unfolded his arms and walked over. His hand snaked out and ripped the energy bar from her hands. With a single smooth gesture, he tore the wrapper open before forcing it back into her hands. “Let’s go, your brother is waiting.”

Her eyes staring at her feet as she followed her father. The energy bar gripped tightly in her hand. 


	7. Full Dark

“What happened?” her mother demanded. 

Sara ducked her head further into her hoodie and tried to walk swiftly to her room. “Sara.”

Her steps faltered. “Look at me, Sara Ryder,” her mother said. 

Sara stopped. Ma’s tone was too much like Pa’s for her to ignore. Stubbornly, Sara kept her face turned away. Her mother walked over, open bottles of pills left sitting on the counter. She was in the midst of taking her medication. 

Sara kept her hands in the pockets of her hoodie, her bag slung over one shoulder. She stood stock still and waited. Waited for the judgement, waited for the scathing remarks she had always expected from her father. The light steps of her mother crossing the space between them were loud in the quiet house. Then, a sudden movement caught Sara’s eye. She turned and saw her mother losing her balance. “Ma!” she shouted and gathered her biotics. 

She ran even as she sent her biotics towards her mother. A blue bubble enveloped Ellen slowing her fall, allowing Sara to get her arms around her, breaking her fall. “Ma!” she called, shaking her mother lightly. 

Ellen blinked and pressed her hand against her temple. “Sorry, Sara,” she mumbled. “I was feeling a little faint.”

“Come on, let’s get you to the sofa,” Sara coaxed as she pulled her mother’s arm over her shoulder and supported her weight. 

Trembling slightly from the effort, Sara lowered her mother gingerly onto the sofa. She rushed over to the kitchen and grabbed her mother’s meds and a glass of water. “Here,” she pushed them into her mother’s hands. 

Pursing her lip, she watched as her mother popped the pills into her mouth. Guilt was written all over Sara’s face as she rubbed the back of her neck, shifting from one foot to the other. “Your dosage has increased again,” she blurted. 

Her mother looked at her and smiled wanly. “I’m fine, silly girl,” she assured Sara, squeezing her hands. “What about you?”

Ma took hold of her face by the chin and tilted her face. “Another fight?” she asked. 

“He was asking for it,” Sara said. 

“Who is he? What did he do?” Ellen leaned back against the sofa and patting the seat next to her. Sara sank into it. “Galso Erasrian called me a freak.”

“I ignored him but he pulled my ponytail,” Sara went on, the anger surfacing again. “He said I will always be a freak and nobody loves me anyway.”

“So you punched him?”

Sara nodded. 

“I assume he looked worse than you?”

A slight dip of her head. 

“And you didn’t use your biotics?”

Another nod. Her mother sighed. She lifted her arm and pulled Sara towards her. “Silly girl,” her mother whispered into her hair. “You’re loved. You’re not a freak. You’re my beautiful hero.”

For a while, Sara closed her eyes and allowed her mother to comfort her. As strong as she liked to think she was, her mother’s embrace was still safe refuge. 

School was horrible since she moved from the Alliance run school to the regular one on the Citadel. Biotics were not a common sight, at least among the humans. The asari banded together wanting nothing to do with her the odd human biotic. Turian biotics were rarer than human ones. So Sara stood alone. The bullying was near constant since the kids saw the bulge at her neck. Scott tried to help but he couldn’t be guarding her all the time. 

Sara refused to give in, to let her hair down to hide her telltale bulge. This was who she was, there was no way she would run from it. Her father had taught her to face trouble head on. It didn’t matter if the entire school knew, Sara would square her shoulders and deal. She was more than capable to handle the bullies and fights became the norm for her. 

Scott’s help came to an end when their father found both of them coming home with bruises. “Sara,” he said, “This is unbecoming of you. You’re a Ryder, we are above such things.”

Sara took the lecture like all the other things she did, right on the chin. Scott shrugged and waggled his eyebrow at her. She kept her eyes forward, not looking at anything in particular. Outwardly, she was nonchalant, almost bored by her father’s lecture. Inside, she was a wreck. She knew she was never good enough anyway so why try? Sara never allowed Scott to help from that time on. 

“Ma,” Sara said. “That was ten years ago. Why bring it up?”

Her mother took her by the shoulders. Her long fingered hands squeezed once. “That’s because it’s true,” she said. “All right, go put some medi-gel on that. It must hurt.”

Sara sighed, sitting up again, feeling the warmth from her mother leeching out of her body. As she applied medi-gel, Scott got home. Their mother had returned to her lab. “Hey Sara,” he called.

“Hey,” she replied, voice dull and tired. 

“Pa’s coming home today so you know what that means,” he said almost eagerly. 

Sara stiffened before capping the tube of medi-gel. She had forgotten about it. Pa was coming home today. That meant another range competition. Another one where she would score a perfect score and still not be good enough. She’d never be good enough. 

Sara threw the tube of medi-gel into the medical box and closed it roughly. “What’s wrong with you?” Scott asked frowning. “Can’t you just be happy that Pa’s coming home? Don’t you miss him?”

Sara glared at her brother, the perfect son, the golden Ryder kid. “No, Scott, I don’t,” she replied flatly. 

He flinched at her tone. His eyes staring at the bruise over her right eye. “What happened to you? Another fight? You’re going to get into trouble with Pa today,” he said, cheekily.

Sara frowned. She wasn’t in a mood for this. Not today maybe not ever. “Fuck you, Scott,” Sara spat. 

With rough movements she shoved the medical box back where she found it and turned to go to her room. “What the hell, Sara?” he yelled after her. 

She ignored him and went into her room. Throwing her bag down on the floor she flopped onto her bed. Lying on her back, she stared at the ceiling. Pretty soon, that got boring. Her eyes slid to the poster, it’s edges curling and torn because of the times she spent fingering it. She had the poster on the wall next to her bed since the Alliance started using the flame headed hero on all their recruitment posters. Lieutenant Shepard, hero of the Blitz was standing proudly, one hand blazing blue with biotics, another hand holding a rifle. 

Sara snorted. She knew that wasn’t the proper way to hold a rifle but she’d admit it looked cool. If the hero of the Blitz was a biotic, couldn’t she excel too? She could be a hero like Shepard too, couldn’t she? Biotics were not freaks, but highly prized in the Alliance, right? It’s not an illness? She too could find a place to belong? 

The thoughts swarmed to the surface, chasing each other around her head, going on and on till she couldn’t stand it. Dragging her pillow over her face, Sara screamed into it. 

* * *

“Sara.”

She jumped. It was her father. Her heart leapt traitorously in excitement. There was a pause. She waited. “Come out, we’re going to the range.”

He wasn’t asking, it was a command. “Fuck,” she muttered. 

Sara didn’t understand it. Her heart knew what she wanted, needed but the mind knew she was not getting it. Still, her heart never failed to be filled with hope, every single time. She never seem to learn. 

Sara obeyed. She always did in the end. 

Trudging out of the room, she kept her head down hoping, he wouldn’t see the throbbing bruise over her eye. No such luck. His sharp grey eyes caught her black eye instantly. He snorted once and her steps faltered. 

Rolling her shoulders to ease the tense muscles there, Sara forced her legs to keep walking. Scott was waiting at the end of the corridor, the smile slipping off his face when he saw her. He was still angry. Sara had expected that. It always happened when their father returned home. She did take her anger out on him. It wasn’t his fault, it was hers. 

Their father brushed past her. “Let’s go.”

The walk to the range was done in silence, at least it was for Sara. She couldn’t hear what Scott and Pa were talking about. Her footsteps slowing as she allowed the distance between them to lengthen. The thoughts were lurking just beneath the surface, ready to drag her down screaming into the depths. Sara straightened and squared her shoulders. She wasn’t about to give her father more opportunities to be disappointed with her. 

At the range, Sara was prepping her rifle when their father stopped them. “We’re using these today,” he said and handed them a Carnifex pistol each. 

Scott’s eyes went wide. “This is the real deal!” 

The heavy pistol dropped into her waiting hands. She hefted it on her dominant left hand, feeling the weight in her palm. “We’ve never trained with this before,” she pointed out. 

Her father’s piercing gaze pinned her. It flicked to her black eye before meeting her eyes. “Out on the field, you don’t always get to use what you’re trained with,” he said. “You have to make do with what you have.”

Scott’s eyes found hers. “This time, I’m definitely going to beat you!” 

And Scott did. Sara missed on her first shot. Her throbbing eye was fast turning into a headache that was trying to bore into her brain. Even so, Sara had managed to correct her aim and kept the rest of her bullets right in the centre target. Scott didn’t miss. 

“Great job, Scott,” Pa said, clapping a hand on Scott’s shoulder. 

He turned to Sara and took the Carnifex from her hand. “Do better, next time Sara.”

Sara nodded. What else could she do? She’s a mess and Scott deserved his win. Sighing, she told herself she was used to it. It was nothing new. Why was her eyes watering? It must have been the black eye that’s causing a problem. Sara clenched her hands into fists and wished she had taken some pain blockers. 

* * *

Two weeks later, Pa was still at home. It’s one of his longest stint home. Sara didn’t think she could take being around him much longer. Her father didn’t need to look in her direction for her to feel his judgement. Maybe it was imagined, maybe it was all conditioned response, Sara couldn’t quite tell the difference. Even though Sara affected a stoic exterior, the perfect little soldier, inside she was doubting her every action. Nights spent not sleeping, staring out her window at the passing skycars. Her fingers constantly playing with the edge of her poster, as she allowed music to drown out her thoughts. 

Sara was tired. She knew she had lessons with Mira, but she didn’t want to go. Being chewed out by Mira was the last thing she wanted. Sara didn’t think she’ll be able to handle anyone else being disappointed with her. Normally, Sara could fake it till she made it but Mira was astute. Mira could tell whenever her father was back. Mira tried in her own way. She had never allowed him to be a part of her biotic lessons since. Besides Ma, Mira was the one other person she could count on. 

Still, Sara didn’t want to explain what was going on. It’s all the same isn’t it? Mira knew it, she knew it. What was there to say? The thought of talking about it was tiring. No amount of her tough exterior was going to deter Mira. Sara flopped onto the sofa and closed her eyes. Maybe she could fade into the background for a while. 

“Sara,” her mother called. 

She opened one eye and glanced at her mother. “Why are you still here?” Ma asked. “You’re going to be late for lessons with Mira.”

Sara closed her eye and pretended not to be there. Ma didn’t say anything. Her footsteps got closer. Sara felt the sofa dipped as Ma sat down beside her. “How’s the eye?” she asked, changing the subject. 

Her shoulders lifted and fell. She felt her mother’s gentle fingers probing the fading bruise around her eye. It had long since healed, the skin was still slightly discoloured. “Ma,” she said, her voice raspy. 

Sara cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m tired,” she said. “I don’t want to go for lessons.”

“We still have those energy bars you like,” Ma pointed out.

She sighed but bit her tongue. That wasn’t it, not really. Her mother shifted next to her, as if picking something up. “Are you really just tired?” her mother asked, as she took Sara’s hand and squeezed it.

Her mother had been her ally in all things. However, Sara was never one to share her feelings about her father with anyone, not truly anyway. It felt ungrateful to want more than her father was willing to give. But was it so wrong to long for her father’s approval?

Sara opened her eyes and looked at her mother. Tears were welling up in her eyes. “I’m a freak at school and I can’t seem to do anything well enough for Pa,” she said. “Why?”

Her mother’s hand tightened around hers. “You’re not a freak, silly girl. If nothing else, remember that,” she said gently, before handing her the datapad she was holding. 

Curious, Sara glanced at the datapad. It was information for an advance placement for humans with outstanding biotic abilities into the Alliance. “Is this…” her voice trailed off, not quite sure what she wanted to ask. 

Her mother took the datapad and flicked to the relevant information. “You’re a strong biotic. I’m sure you will ace whatever tests the Alliance can set. This programme provides you with further education and training to use your biotics.”

Sara’s eyes glanced at the information, reading but not quite comprehending what her mother was driving at. “This is an early enlistment programme. You can start at 16. If you do this, you’re enlisting in the Systems Alliance. This isn’t a small commitment. Think carefully before deciding.”

Sara frowned. “Are you telling me to enlist?” 

“It’s your choice but you will be out of the house. You will be among other biotics. You will learn to harness your abilities and maybe do some good out there.”

She stared at the datapad. Her finger tapped against it. The thought of not having to be judged constantly by her father was a relief. At the same time, Sara felt she was running away. Not having to go to a regular school, to be able to study and train with other biotics sounded like a dream come true. At the same time, a shiver ran down her spine. Didn’t that mean she was a freak, to be shipped off and corralled with others of her kind? It was exile.

“I don’t know,” Sara said, ready to shove the datapad back into her mother’s hands. 

Her mother held her shoulders. Sara jerked her eyes to meet her mother’s. “This isn’t a jail, but a way out so that you can find yourself. Be who you really are,” her mother said. “You’re stifled here.”

Her mother stood up abruptly. “All right,” she said, “Go for your lessons. Don’t keep Mira waiting. I’ll leave the datapad in your room.”


	8. Daybreak

Sara sat outside the principal’s office and waited. She sighed. There was no way out of this. Ma would be livid. Closing her eyes, she could hear her own words echoing back in her head.

“Galso was calling me names, attacking me with his biotic gloves,” she yelled.

“That’s no excuse to use your biotics,” her teacher pointed out.

“It’s biotics ball,” she spat through gritted teeth. “I was supposed to use biotics.”

Sara sighed. Physical education was one of the few classes where she felt free and not constantly constrained. They were playing biotics ball, her favourite game and one she was very good at. Sure they never allowed her to play on the school team because she was using actual biotics. Still, it’s nice to use her biotics without worries. Sara was the player everyone wanted on their team so, of course, things had to go wrong.

She had slugged Galso Erasrian a few weeks ago, now he was back at it again. Her mother had explained about the turians’ prejudice against biotics but it didn’t mean Sara was going to roll over just for him. Apparently, the bruises she gave Galso was only enough to deter him for a while.

The other kids were decked out in protective gear and mini mass effect powered gloves to give them a rough approximation of biotic powers. Sara had the ball. She was driving it towards the goal. Galso was defending for the opposite team. It was in the rules, biotics were only allowed on the ball and not on the players. Galso pushed against her using his gloves. Sara was caught by surprise but she had been trained by an N7 soldier. It didn’t faze her in the slightest. She managed to twist and avoid his ill-directed biotic push. She gritted her teeth but said nothing. The teacher wasn’t even paying attention to what the class was doing.

Later, they were pressed against each other as Sara defended the goal. “Freak, freak, freak,” he muttered under his breath all the while.

Sara kept her temper in check. She was proud to have done so. As the ball came flying towards them, she gathered her biotics to send it out of bounds. Galso took advantage of her split attention, turned the gloves against her again. It was quick but Sara was quicker. She pulled up a shield. Mira would have been proud of the speed. It was weak but the shield took the brunt of the biotic attack. The rest slammed into her but it only made her stagger backwards. The ball she was supposed to catch came slamming into her face. She fell on her ass. Galso laughed.

Sara snapped. She stood up, eyes blazing. Galso’s echoing laughter was cut off when he realised Sara was pissed, more than pissed. She stalked towards him. “What the fuck, Galso?” she yelled.

That was when the teacher started paying attention. Galso sensing an ally shouted, ”Help! The freak is going crazy.”

She didn’t think. She acted. Her biotics threw him against the post of the goal. His arm met the metal goal post with an audible crack and he fell heavily on his side. His screams echoed across the sports hall.

* * *

Sara sighed. They had kept her in a separate room questioning her over and over again. She explained and explained. Nobody cared about her explanation. Nothing was good enough anyway. All she saw were her father’s eyes on the teachers’ faces. Sara knew they had called her mother. She was probably in there trying to placate the principal, maybe begging to keep her in school. Sara didn’t know what she would do if she got expelled. Pa was still at home. She shuddered at the thought of his reaction later.

Sara hung her head and kept her eyes trained on her shoes, her hand rubbing against her implant scar. The door to the principal’s office hissed open. Sara looked up. It was her father. He was here to speak to the principal, it wasn’t Ma. The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. She bit her lip and stood. Explanations hovering on her lips.

Her father didn’t speak. He glared at her before turning on his heel. Her words turned to ashes in her mouth. She followed. That was what’s expected. They rode home in the sky car. The silence inside was awkward, uncomfortable and strained. Even after they got home, it was the same. Her mother was for once not home. Vaguely, Sara wondered where she was. She loitered around at the hall, waiting. Bracing for the inevitable lecture, the cold, hard eyes telling her she wasn’t good enough, she was an utter disappointment.

Sara was already having the argument lined up in her head. Didn’t she train as hard as Scott? Didn’t she do as well as Scott? Sure she had more disciplinary issues but she didn’t seek out trouble, it found her. Every single time. Why wasn’t she good enough? What more could she do?

Sara couldn’t stand the uneasy silence. “Are you angry?” she blurted.

“Yes.”

The silence reigned again. Her father’s reply hung in the air like a bad omen. Her eyes searched her father’s. What was expected of her now? What could she do to turn this around? So that Pa would tell her she did well?

A sense of shame came over her. Why did she crave his attention when she never got it. It’s painful but still she would be willing stick her hand into the fire again and again for just the chance of things going her way. She had to go, she didn’t want to be in the same room. As Sara turn on her heels to escape into her room, her father spoke.

“You are smarter than this.”

Was that a nod to her, to her effort? Sara was angry when her heart lifted in anticipation, in hope. She bit her lip to stop herself from actually smiling.

“Fighting, average grades, Sara you are capable of so much more. Why can’t you be like your brother?”

Her father’s words echoed in her head. Why couldn’t she be more like Scott? Her heart turned to stone. What did Pa mean? Sara was confused. Wasn’t she like Scott? She trained, didn’t she? She could handle a pistol, a rifle so well the range had barred both of them from taking part in competitions held there. What else was there?

A lump formed in her throat, choking off all the questions she wanted to ask, all the retorts she had lined up. Thoughts raced but the words refused to push their way past her teeth. The main door slid open. Scott stepped in. He froze. Even he could tell something was up.

“Be more like Scott.” The words rang in her head, getting louder and louder. What did Pa think she had been doing all this time? Hadn’t she tried? Her grades weren’t that bad. She aced all the training he had put her in front of. The only thing she couldn’t be like Scott was her biotics. She had no choice in that matter.

Her lips trembled. The lump in her throat swelling and seemed to cut air from her lungs. It was an impossible task after all. There was nothing she could do.

“Grab your rifle, we’re going to the range,” Pa said without looking at her.

Her traitorous feet jerked to follow her brother out the door. Pa turned to face her, his eyes cold and hard, his mouth curled in disgust. Sara flinched.

“You’re grounded and barred from all training until the end of the month,” her father said. “You better buck up. You disappointed me today.”

Without giving her a chance to explain, to reply, her father left the house with an arm around Scott’s shoulder. Scott turned his head to look at her. His eyes widened. Her anger, her disappointment showed. He looked questioningly at her. Sara clenched her teeth but her lower lip trembled, giving the game away.

“I have no place here,” she whispered as tears burn in her eyes.

Scott opened his mouth, he wanted to say something but the door slid close. It crushed her. “I don’t belong here.”

* * *

It was late. Sara sat on her bed, alone in her room. Her headphones clamped around her ears. Music was soaring in her ears.

_I want to chase the daylight_  
_Like it's the last day of my life_  
_I want to run_

The voice rang out clear and honest. The lyrics washed over her. Her eyes unfocused, looking at nothing in particular.

  
_Hide myself in the sun and feel all these fears_  
_Melt away_

She tapped at her omni-tool implant on her wrist. It was close to midnight Citadel time. Her fingers went back to tugging at the corner of the poster.

  
_And I will never look back no I will never look back_

_I'm gonna live this life_  
_Chasing the daylight_

The datapad was sitting next to her.

Sara had read it many times since. She could recite the information if pressed. The requirements to get approved for the programme wasn’t just biotic ability though that was a big part. Her academic career was also a major part. The programme promised a direct track to officer school but that was after two years on the field, pending approval. There wasn’t much Sara couldn’t get when she put her mind to it, except for one thing.

Just that one thing.

Her mind shied away from that line of thought. It wasn’t why she was doing this. She was doing this for herself, not anyone else.

Mira remarked on her renewed dedication to training. Even her teachers at school commented on her improved grades. She did her best to fly under the radar at school. It didn’t always work but it was the best she could do.

A small ping came from her omni-tool pulling her from her thoughts. It was a message from Scott.

“Happy Birthday, little sister,” it read.

She rolled her eyes. “12 minutes older doesn’t make you my older brother, Scott.” her message read. “And Happy 16th, Scott.”

Sara turned back to the datapad. The form was empty and the cursor blinking.

* * *

“Happy birthday!” their mother said, pushing the cake towards them.

Scott wrapped an arm around Sara’s shoulder. She smiled. “On 3?” she asked.

He nodded. “3,” he said.

“2,” she continued.

“1!” their mother finished.

Their mother had her omni-tool ready to snap a picture as Scott and her blew the candles out. Sara was wistful throughout dinner. Scott frowned at her midway through the meal while spooning food into his mouth. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Sara took a deep breath. Her eyes went from her brother’s confused ones to her mother’s knowing ones. “I have something to tell you all,” she said.

“Are you coming out?” Scott blurted with a grin on his face.

She smacked him on his shoulder and rolled her eyes. “Scott, no!”

Then, Sara cocked her head. “Actually maybe?”

Scott’s jaw dropped before Sara grinned at him. “Ha!” she said before skipping back to her room.

Sara returned with the datapad clutched tight between her fingers. Ma nodded at her. A wave of relief washed over her. Ma knew. She wasn’t going to face any resistance from her. Sara didn’t care what her father thought about her decision. It was Scott she was worried about. They had been together since before birth. Doing this was the first step of being separated from him, not being in the same physical space, not being able to talk to him face to face. As much she might be jealous and angry at him, Sara still loved her dorky twin.

Sara handed the datapad to Scott. “I’m enlisting in the Alliance.”

* * *

Alec zipped his duffle bag shut and slammed his locker shut. He was a little disappointed missing Scott’s birthday by two weeks thanks to another mission. He already had another one lined in three days. Alliance Command seemed hellbent to keep him out in the field as often as possible. It was time that he couldn’t spend working on the side project that could save Ellen’s life. Shaking his head, he strode through the docks in search of his transport to the Citadel. Eventually, he found the ship and settled in for the flight back home.

The shuttle was slowly filling with all manner of people. Alec was thankful he purchased a first class ticket. Being jostled and squashed between a krogan and a turian wasn’t his idea of a peaceful ride home. As he waited for the shuttle to undock and get underway. He tapped at his omni-tool and brought up the photo from Ellen of Scott’s 16th birthday, no not Scott’s the twins’. His chest tightened at the thought as a flare of resentment at the memory of Ellen’s diagnosis. Alec sighed and forced his thoughts back to the present. His eyes found Ellen in the photo, he couldn’t help but linger over her face. Lined and grey in areas that weren’t before. His fingers brushed gently across Ellen’s face. The illness though under control it had taken a toll. She didn’t have the energy she used to, her short-term memory was worsening.

The shuttle shook a little as it began its exit from the station. It’s going to be a long ten-hour ride back to the Citadel. His eyes drifted to Scott - his boy. The grin that’s plastered on his face made Alec smile too. His heart swelled with pride at Scott’s accomplishments in school. He excelled in both training and his studies, he was everything a father could ask for. His hand to hand combat, his grasp of tactics and strategy had far outstripped his sister’s.

But the photo had one other person - Sara. No longer an infant he rocked to sleep on his arm, no longer the child that cried after a nightmare, but a young woman in her own right. Her shoulders broad and set, her smile wider than Scott’s, her eyes half moons in mid-laugh. Alec sighed. His hand slowly curled into a fist as he clenched it. He remembered the before, the after. He knew it was irrational but there was no hiding it from himself. It all changed after Sara’s biotics manifested. The same eezo that’s killing Ellen had given her powers. It’s not right. Sara was not right. How could she benefit from the same thing that’s murdering her mother?

Alec growled under his breath as he dismissed the picture. He scanned through the messages and found one from an old friend. She was now in charge of a new biotics program. The mail was a notification of acceptance. A chill ran down his spine. His eyes scanned the words. It only could pick out certain words. “Sara Ryder, Biotics Program, Acceptance,”

Alec blinked. Finally turning his eyes to the view outside his window. Dark space and stars in the distance, a headache forming behind his eyes. His daughter had joined the Alliance, under a biotic program. There was a vague sense of pride mingling with considerable anger and frustration.

He would watch, he would wait and see what Sara would make of herself in the Alliance.

* * *

Sara was due to report for duty scarcely two weeks after her initial enrolment. Her bags were actually packed the moment she submitted her application. The two weeks at home were really a long going away party for her. She didn’t have friends in school. It was only Mira, her mother and Scott she would miss.

“I’m proud of you, Sara,” Mira said when Sara told her about her application. “You’ll ace the Alliance tests without a doubt. I stake my reputation on it.”

Sara laughed before her mood turned melancholy. “Thank you, Mira,” she said. “Without you, I’ll never be able to get a grip on my biotics.”

“Silly girl.” Mira ruffled her hair, Sara frowned as she fixed her ponytail again. “Be proud of who you are and what you can do. Everyone else will see what you’re made of.”

“Even Pa?” Even as the words left her mouth, Sara winced.

Mira huffed and nodded. “Yes, even your father.”

Saying goodbye to Mira was hard but it was harder to say goodbye to her mother and Scott. It was the night before she was leaving for boot camp. The next time she returned, Sara would be a soldier. A cadet no doubt but no longer a civilian. Dinner that night was a solemn affair. Eventually, it got to Sara.

“Hey, I am not dying,” she said as she smacked her brother on the shoulder.

Scott bit his lip and looked at her. His brown eyes mirroring hers. Sara nodded and he looked away. Words didn’t need to be exchanged between twins. A look sufficed. He forced a laugh. “You’ll better train hard cause when I join the Alliance I’ll be smashing all the records you set.”

Sara groaned and rolled her eyes. Their mother laughed. Sara’s heart clenched. Her mother caught her look and nodded as if reading her mind. It seemed that mothers had the same superpower. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Boot camp is just three months and then you’ll be back.”

“Yeah,” Sara said, dragging the word out, suddenly regretting her decision.

“No!” Scott said, levelling a finger at her. “Don’t you dare.”

Raising her eyebrows at Scott questioningly, Sara stared at him. “I know that look. Don’t you dare regret your decision! I might not be happy that you’re ditching me, going off to have your own adventures but you choose this. No regrets.”

Sara snorted. Scott knew her well. He knew exactly what to tell her. She just got a pep talk from her brother.

That night, Sara requested entry into Scott’s room. “What’s up?” he said before he saw the pillow and blanket in her arms.

“For old times’ sake?” Sara asked hopefully, she didn’t want to sleep alone, not that night.

Scott laughed. “Come on. It’s weird as heck but why not?”

They set up their blankets on the floor. “The things I do for you,” Scott grumbled. “I have a perfectly fine bed and here I am sleeping on the floor with you.”

She laughed. “Come on, it’s the last time after all.”

Sara bit her lip when she saw Scott’s face fell. When it’s just them, Scott didn’t bother masking his feelings. Sara lay down on her blanket and shifted to get comfortable on the hard floor. Scott tapped his omni-tool turning off the lights before joining her on the floor. The only source of illumination came from the windows, casting a blue tint against them.

Scott lay on his side, facing his bed while Sara lay on her back looking at the ceiling. The shadows danced across the ceiling as skycars went past the window. Her eyes tracked the moving shadows. Scott sniffed once. She turned to stare at his back. He was shaking slightly.

“You ok?” Sara asked.

“Shit, Sara,” he said. “I don’t know how I feel about this. We’re never apart ever.”

His voice broke at the last word. Sara felt her eyes grew hot as a lump formed.

“So not really, Sara. I’m not really ok.”

Sara turned onto her side, her back facing Scott’s and she shuffled closer towards him. She stopped only when her back bumped into his. She could feel Scott tensing at the contact before relaxing. He sighed.

“This sucks but this is right for me,” Sara said, her own voice quivering. “I can’t stay here. You know that right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Scott pressed his back more firmly against hers. “I know, Sara.”

* * *

After a hasty breakfast, Sara shouldered her pack and headed to the docks to wait for the shuttle that would be taking her to Earth for boot camp. “No, no teary goodbyes at the dock,” she told Scott and Ma.

Thankfully they understood and they said their goodbyes at the threshold of the Ryder home.

Sara tapped her foot impatiently as she watched the passengers disembark. Her eyes picked out a familiar figure. Her father had just stepped off the shuttle. Her heart thudded fiercely against her chest.

Did he know? Sara didn’t tell him anything but she figured the enlistment office would send him an official notification of her successful application. She couldn’t help the nervous rubbing at her amp as she shifted her weight from one leg to another. Her father walked right up to her and stopped.

His cool grey eyes did the up-down flick of appraisal. Sara straightened her back and took the familiar posture of a ready stance. “You’ve enlisted.”

It was a statement, not a question. Sara kept her mouth shut. “See that you don’t disgrace the Ryder name.”

Sara frowned but before she could speak, her father walked away. The line started to move forcing her to tear her eyes off the receding back of her father.

She turned her eyes resolutely ahead and growled. “I don’t need to prove my worth to anyone but myself.”

**Lyrics taken from[Chasing The DayLight by Philip LaRue](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOwI8AQhBiY)**

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